Phoenix

Chapter Two

I stare at myself in the mirror. Shelby took good care of this body, and I’m thankful for that. My teeth are white and my hair to my shoulders, just recently trimmed. I wonder how often Shelby would cut her hair. I wonder if I should do it just as often as Shelby.

My hair is a strawberry blonde and straight. My eyelashes are long and I mess with them by using my finger as if it is a mascara brush to feel the lashes. They’re full.

My eyes are a dark brown, and I think I like that. They look pretty. I open my eyes real wide so I can see them better. Then I touch my nose. My nose looks cute; it’s small and curls ever so slightly like a ski slope. There are freckles spread across my nose and a little on my cheeks, and I’m not sure if I like that. There is nothing wrong with freckles, I’m just not sure if they look right against my pale skin.

I look at my torso. I am very skinny, but not so skinny that I look anorexic. And my breasts aren’t that big either. I looked through Shelby’s clothes the day after the woods (everything looked so plain… hardly anything cute) and her bras--er, my bras, are only a B cup. I shrug and think, at least it’s not an A cup.

I finish examining myself and turn on the shower. I remember how to operate a shower, which is good. Mom and Dad actually told me that I should remember basic things like reading, writing, walking, talking, blah, blah. The only things I won’t remember  is Shelby’s personal experiences, memories, skills, friends, etc. They had me take an IQ test to make sure I’m smart enough to be in the same grade as Shelby, and everything was fine, so I’m going to be a junior.

I undress and step into the shower, letting the water wash over me. I turn the knob just slightly to make the water warmer.

I start to unintentionally think about Shelby again. For some reason I desperately want to know about Shelby. I want to remember her experiences and memories. I feel cheated; she’s lived for what, 15 years? Starting at age 2 isn’t hard, there isn’t anything to remember or anything you’ve missed out on. Starting at age 17 is so much harder. People can ask me questions and I have to say “I have no clue, I was just born.”

I shook my head and sighed. I can’t even tell people that. I just have to look ignorant. I put shampoo in my hair and rubbed it in.

“What kind of music do you like?”

“What is your favorite movie?”

“What do you eat?”

I rinsed the shampoo out of my hair and thought about if being a vegetarian seemed fun. Or a vegan. Huh. Do I like meat?

I put conditioner in my hair next and rubbed it in. Before I rinsed it out I scrubbed my body with the soap Shelby had in here. It smelled good.

“Have you had your first kiss?”

I opened my eyes in surprise. What would I say if someone asks me that? No, I haven’t, but has Shelby?

When I got out of the shower I wrapped the towel around me and stepped back into my room. I locked the door and opened up the journal, flipping through Shelby’s entries. Shelby didn’t think she would die, so she used the journal just like a diary. It makes me sad to read through her entries and think “It doesn’t matter… you died… you were wrong… you don’t have a future… you didn’t get the guy.”

In almost all of her entries she talked about her and Kate’s latest adventures (basically just shopping and gossip….) or guys. As I flipped through each page it seemed like she really didn’t do anything about the guys she liked, however she seemed to think she was making process every day.

I said hi to Josh today in the hall. He said hi too. I’m excited for tomorrow; maybe he’ll say hi to me first. :)

I skip to the next page.

Josh didn’t say hi to me first like I had hoped, however it’s still a good day--he broke up with Britney! Kate thinks he left her for me, she says it was just a matter of time. I’m not going to get my hopes up and say that she’s right, but wouldn’t it be amazing? I’m so happy.

Skip to the next page.

Josh wasn’t in school today. Kate said he was in geometry first period, but he wasn’t in second period study hall. I wonder what happened. I wish I had his number so I could ask if he’s sick.

Skip.

I smiled at Josh today. He smiled back. Kate says we’re adorable!

I just keep skipping pages. None of them say that they actually went out. None of them mention any other guys. None of them mention a kiss or even a hug. I shake my head and close the journal. Shelby seemed so ignorant. I feel terrible for saying this, and in a way I feel embarrassed because I feel like I was Shelby, but I am not. I am a different person. I am Elaine, not Shelby.

I rummage through Shelby’s clothes to find something wearable. All she seems to have are black leggings and t-shirts…. I desperately threw her clothes around.

“Oh my God I need to go shopping soon…” I mumble to myself as I tossed yet another pair of black leggings behind me. How many is that? 27? All the times she’s gone shopping and she just buys the same thing over and over again. I finally find something different--a skirt.

It’s black and goes to just above my knees. It has pink flowers in different places and I honestly love it. I’m keeping it.

I grab a white t-shirt and throw it on, tucking it into the skirt. I examine myself in the mirror. My hair is still wet, which is making the t-shirt wet. I press my lips and go back into the bathroom to search through Shelby’s things. Does she have a blow dryer? Do I have to air dry my hair? I don’t think I’m patient enough.

I find a pink blowdryer in the bottom drawer along with a matching straightner and curler. I close the drawer and grab the matching pink brush and quickly brush through my hair.

Why does she have a straightener? Shelby’s hair is already straight. I mean--my hair is already straight. It’s my hair. It isn’t Shelby’s.

I sigh and plug in the dryer.

This is my dryer. Not Shelby’s.

“Shelby!” I hear mom call from downstairs.

That’s my mom, not Shelby’s.

“Shelby!” she calls again.

I press my lips together and fight tears.

“Shelby! Why aren’t you--” her voice cuts off and then I hear her again. “I mean, Elaine, I’m sorry… honey come down for breakfast.”

I turn on the dryer and pretend I don’t hear her. A tear rolls down my cheek and I watch it as I stare at Shelby in the mirror.