I lay here.
My hear t completely shattered.
I act as if I’m happy.
Like nothing really mattered.
I’ve been living a lie.
It’s time you know the truth.
I’ve been close to ending it all.
I don’t have much left to hold onto.
Forced smiles and fake laughs.
That’s what it’s come down to.
I know not where I belong,
I know not what to do.
My happiness was with you.
But you’re no longer here.
I wonder if I ever meant anything.
I wonder if you even cared.
You told me you love me.
You said you’d never leave.
But you sure as hell left.
Completely shattering me.
My heart was nearly healed.
From the years of torment it endeared.
You took my pain away.
You dried up all the tears.
As quickly as the smiles came,
They swiftly went away.
Replaced by past memories.
My happiness decayed.
Now onto the next thing.
Something I’ve RARELY talked about.
I’ve keep it held within me.
But I’m letting it all out.
How could you give me away?
I was only 2 years old!
I was just a little baby.
So pure. So innocent. So cold.
All I wanted was for you to be there.
To pick me up when I was down.
To hold me when I cried.
To take away my frown.
Why couldn’t you do that, mommy?
You always pushed me away.
It’s like you loved the others more than me.
They got you EVERY day.
I never got your love.
I never got your embrace.
I’ve always wondered what I did wrong.
Why you didn’t love me the same.
Why you didn’t stay.
Why did I do, mommy?
Why didn’t you love me like you loved the rest?
I did all I could do to show you I love you.
Mommy, I did my best!!!
I cried for you.
I prayed to God you’d come around.
That day never came.
So I left to start a new life.
With my NEW mom.
Daddy found someone new.
She’s everything you weren’t.
She picked me up when I was down.
She fixed me when I was broke.
She showed me what it was like.
To have that warm motherly embrace.
She loved me UNCONDITIONALLY,
She loved me EVERY DAY.
I started calling her “Mom”.
She started calling me “Son”
She did everything you didn’t.
She’s done it since day one.
She healed me when I was sick.
She put that band aid on my knee.
She showed me that it was possible.
For a woman to love me.
Sixteen years later.
Not a damn thing has changed.
That woman still loves me.
Just like she did that day.
I know this may hurt you.
Because it hurts me to say this.
But you rejected me for years.
How could you do that to your kid?
I’m done asking questions.
It’s time for you to speak.
You gave me away like I was nothing!
Why couldn’t you love me?!?!?
I love you, mom.
Never once has that stopped.
That’s why it hurts so badly.
My pain has never stopped.
I drove myself MAD.
Wondering why.
Wondering why I was given up like I was nothing.
All I did was cry cry cry.
I’m done writing now.
I’ve mentally exhausted myself once more.
Those are my life’s sorrows in a nutshell.
Oh, but there are more more more!
