{McPriceley} (Finished)

The Real Connor

(Connor's POV)

I looked in the mirror, noticing all the things I disliked about myself. My red hair was a disheveled mess, my smile was crooked, I wasn't muscular or tall or masculine in any way. I pulled off my purple tie and replaced it with a plain, black tie.

I wanted to tell myself that everything would turn out fine but I honestly have no idea. I've imagined every worst case scenario possible and I've only managed to terrify myself even more. But no matter how afraid I am, I know I have to do this.

I left my room and quickly found Kevin. Arnold had gone to visit Nabulungi again and most of the missionaries were in the village teaching or exploring. Only a few Elders remained in the mission hut, playing yet another board game. I don't know how they haven't gotten sick of those games yet.

Kevin and I headed out the door. He seemed eager to get to the village and finally get to teach the villagers even it was teachings from The Book of Arnold and not The Book of Mormon.

Of course we needed to get some coffee first so we stopped by the coffee stand. Kevin tried to pay for our drinks but I quickly stopped him. I felt guilty that he kept paying for my coffee and I hadn't really done much for him.

"Are you ready to head into the village?" Kevin asked.

I took a sip of my warm coffee, "Actually, I thought we could go for a walk first, if that's okay with you."

"Yeah, sure thing. I like hanging out with you."

The phrase 'hanging out' made me a bit nervous. God I hope I'm not getting friend-zoned.

"Yeah me too. I mean I don't like hanging out with me, I meant I like hanging out with you too," I tried to sound casual and failed miserably.

"So why exactly are we going for a walk when we're supposed to be in the village?" Kevin asked.

"I don't know. Just to talk I guess."

"About?"

"Just uh get to know each other better," I was desperately trying to avoid what I actually wanted to tell Kevin.

"Well what do you want to know? I'm an open book," Kevin took a sip of coffee.

"Umm what's your uh favorite color?"

"I see you're asking the most important questions," Kevin grinned, "It's blue. What's yours?"

"Uh green," I lied.

Kevin just gave me a look that said, I know you're lying.

I sighed, "Okay I know it's girly but I like pink. Actually that should be pretty obvious considering that I was literally wearing a bright pink vest the first day we met."

"Where did you find those in the middle of Uganda anyways?"

"I actually made them. Yes not only do I like pink but I can also sew. I know I'm very manly," I joked in an attempt to feel less embarrassed and nervous.

"Connor you don't need to pretend that you're someone you're not. I'm not gonna judge you for anything. Not for your favorite color or your hobbies or anything. I won't judge you for being you."

"But you don't know me, not the real me."

"Then tell me," Kevin turned to face me and we stopped walking, "Tell me, who is Connor McKinley? Who is the real you?"

"I-I.. I can't tell you!" I exclaimed and turned to walk away.

"Wait! Connor!" I felt Kevin's hand in my upper arm and I turned around to face him, "Please just tell me, whatever it is. Please."

I felt tears pooling in my eyes, "I-I don't know how."

"Connor whatever it is you can tell me. I promise I won't hate you, no matter what you say," Kevin's hand was still resting on my upper arm, "Just say it as quick as you can, just let it all out and I guarantee you'll feel a lot better."

"Yeah.. okay. Well I.. I um.. I stopped uh 'turning off' my feelings like I told you to do the first day you got here. I stopped taking my own awful advice and decided to be myself for a change," I paused trying to gather whatever courage I could muster.

"And.. you're the reason I changed. I couldn't just turn off my feelings anymore. Everything changed when I met you and I don't know why but I can't help it," my voice sped up the more I spoke, "and what I'm trying to say is that.. I like you. Okay? And know it's a sin, I know because it's the reason I have hell dreams every single night. But I can't change Kevin, I just.. can't."

"And even if all we'll ever be is just friends, I'll still take that but-" I immediately stopped talking when I felt Kevin's hand cupping my face.

I found myself lost in Kevin's eyes and then on a sudden impulse I stood on my toes and closed the distance between us. I felt Kevin's hands still cupping my face and I flung my arms behind his neck both of us trying to pull the other closer.

Slowly we pulled away and for a moment everything was perfect. Then Kevin's face went pale and his eyes widened. I looked over my shoulder to see Elder Cunningham standing there, his expression matching Kevin's.

Oh God.