The other side

The false friends

I can hear there whispers

loud and clear

about how i stink or how I'm weird

they don't really like me

but i wanted them to

but what have i done to them

to deserve that hate

i know i stink I'm big so i sweat a little more but i can wear more deodorant

I know I'm weird and I'm sorry please don't leave

I can be less annoying please don't go

please except me , i can fit in

i can talk less

i can talk quieter

i can be more mature

i can quit knowing all the answers

i can quit reading so much

i can watch more sports

i can play harder

i can fit in so please except me

it gets lonely on the outside

it hurts how they hate because they don't understand

I sometimes want to stop being who i am  but i can't even when i want to

so instead

they plant doubt in my head

and

insecurities

pain

sadness

anger

and hurt

and willed peer pressure like a sword

and i was dumb enough to call them my friend s

but they only wanted me to change

and when i needed there help , and they weren't there for me in the end

the rest of the world already wanted me to fit in and change

so i had no refuge

to run to

worst i let them make it hard for me to

look at myself in the mirror

because i wasn't accepted by them i thought it was my fault

so i couldn't accept myself

but they all left and scattered as soon as the wind started to really blow

not even bothering to pretend any more

that left cracks in my trust

so to you former friends what gives you the right to deem me

ugly

annoying

weird

fat

unnecessary

unimportant

unneeded

unwanted

but now i see that i am fine the way i am and that your the ones with the problem

and i know its not right but i really hate you because

now i hold everyone at a distance

just recently letting them close. 

even though i have no reason not to trust them

i still don't fill them completely in on what's going on

but I'm getting there because they actually care

and don't tell me to change or be different from what i am because who I AM is pretty dam great

so to all you who are where i was

whith doubt constantly ringing in your ears

just now that they are the weird one for getting satisfaction from seeing you in pain