Fighting to Move On

Chapter 2

I feel heartless for trying to move on from Brandon. Everyone says I should move on but I know I shouldn’t. I know I’m not ready to even move on. I know this is my punishment for not listening to him or even tell him how much I really feel about him. I loved him. He was my everything and he was gone in a blink of an eye. Nothing seems real anymore without him in my life. Now all I want is to be able to see him again and tell him how sorry I am. It’s my fault that he’s gone in the first place. I just wish I could see him one last time. I regret not talking to him about what happened to him and Lucy. I feel guilt no matter where I go or what I do. Mom and dad said that college would help me move on but it hasn’t and it won’t. Don’t they know or understand what it’s like to feel this way? I’ve lost the one important person I had in my life and he’s no longer in it anymore. What the hell has happened to me?!

For months I’ve been beating myself up because of Brandon. But ever since I bumped into Logan things seems to disappear-all of my problems and worries about Brandon seem to go out the window. It was about a week and a half later until I ran into Logan again. He still looked sexy as ever.

“Well, hello there. Remember me?” he asked as I was walking toward the cafeteria to get some lunch to take back to my dorm.

“Oh, hi, Logan. We always seem to be running into each other.”

“Yes, I have noticed that,” he said with a sexy grin on his face.

“So, how have you been, Chloe?”

“I’m surviving. How are you doing?”

“I’ve been good. Where are you headed to?”

“I was thinking of getting some lunch and eating it in my room or something.”

“Oh, why don’t we eat lunch together and you can tell me more about yourself?”

“Ok, sure why not.”

We headed to the cafeteria and as we ate I noticed a lot about him that I didn’t notice before. Logan was sweet, funny, nice, charming, and a down to earth type of guy. Why was it so hard for me to let people into my life? Oh yeah because everyone will end up leaving you. That’s why.  Logan was the sweetest to me and to be honest, I don’t remember actually being happy when I tell me about who I am because I usually think of Brandon. But when I’m with Logan I forget about the pain I’ve felt for over a year. I don’t understand why and that’s something that scares me. I don’t even know why I came back home or close to home after being in California for several months with my aunt. I stayed with her for about five months. My parents thought it would help me with coping with Brandon but it didn’t really. It helped in some way but it didn’t help me with forgetting like I wanted to. After he died I wanted to forget the fact that he was dead and that he was never coming back, but that was something I couldn’t and could never do. Brandon was a part of myself and he always will be no matter what happens to me in life he will always be a part of me.

“So, where exactly are you from?” he asked forcing me to come back to reality.

“I’m from Cincinnati. How about you?”

“I’m from here. Lexington, Kentucky. I’m a pure southern boy that’s for a sure.”

“Why do you say that?” I ask.

“I live on a farm.”

“No way! I’ve always wanted to live on a farm!” I say with excitement in my voice.

“You’re joking right?” he looked over at me from across the table with his eyebrows rose slightly.

“No, why would I joke about that? It sounds like fun.”