What Would You Dew?

AKA Sliding Doors II: The Unauthorized Sequel

There’s a corner house in the middle of a suburban neighborhood with an unkempt yard and peeling paint. Both the trash cans and the recycling bin are filled to the brim with unsorted waste. Bottle caps and cigarette butts sprinkle to yard like degenerate glitter.

The house is totally dark except for the bursts of light that illuminate the curtains from the glow of the television. The deep base of explosions and gun fire fill the air. This is the eye sore of the block and is in no way an accurate representation of the surrounding community.

Inside, the house is decorated with posters from old monster movies and evergreen decorations to celebrate any occasion (i.e. a Happy Hew Year’s sign, shamrocks, tiki torches, an Easter Bunny holding a basket filled with airplane bottles of booze, etc.)  There’s a bong water, and beer stained sectional facing a decent entertainment center. The coffee table is loaded with adult beverages, extreme snacks and energy drinks.

The dwellers of the abode sit on said sectional focused on the television as play a video where the goal is to kill as many zombies as possible in the most violent ways. For a generation that is accused of being born with A.D.D. this group of twenty-somethings is so focused on the game that they have to sneak glances at their beverages as they wait for a cut scene to partake.

Sammy, a short haired pixie/self-proclaimed nerd, dressed in brand new Siouxsie and the Banshees shirt and jeans, sits on the couch. She rapidly presses buttons on her controller. She moves her body in the same direction that she directs her character on the screen.

Sammy has a gung-ho style of playing. Her character rushes into situations throwing grenades and uses every weapon in her arsenal.

“Die, mother fucker, die mother fucker, die,” Sammy yells in her best Geto Boys impersonation.

Doug a blue haired punk, dressing in Dickies shorts and a NOFX shirt, sits next to Sammy. He deliberately presses the buttons on his controller as he stares at the screen with intense focus. His character glides down a corridor filled with zombies.

Doug has a patient, accurate style of play. His weapon of choice is a sniper rifle. He takes out zombies left and right, never a miss fire, always a head shot.

He reaches down for his beer and looks back as Sammy. “Watch this,” he says with a grin, “right in the pupil. BAM!”

A zombie drops after its eye ball explodes.

Dominic is the jock of the group, not due to his build but due to his attire. He wears a baseball hat, a football jersey, and basketball shorts. He lounges on the love seat portion of the sectional, mashes buttons on his controller. He laughs manically with every tap of the button.

Dominic has an evil style of play. His character hangs out around the periphery, tracking down lone zombies, and beats them with crowbars, pipes, or whatever hand to hand weapon is near.

“Take that, and that, ha ha ha,” Dominic’s maniacal laugh is creepy yet fits with the way his character continues to beat a zombie even though it’s already down and obviously dead.

Tony is the group’s geek, style-wise and not in the knowledge department of geekdom. He’s dressed in a novelty shirt, and comfortable pants. He sits on the floor, leaning with his back against the coffee table. He’s a button masher.

Tony has a confused style of play. His character is in an area of the game where there are no zombies. His character shoots at an abandoned car and trash cans.

“I just don’t get it,” Tony says he continues to mash at the controller.

“How are you such a pussy even in a video game,” Sammy jabs?