"Siblings"

13

The house is quiet at this time of night. Father has long gone to bed by now and noticed Oliver's light from his room go off hours ago. I haven't checked the clock on my nightstand yet but there is no need. The time of night doesn't matter. I would travel out at any point, dark or light.

It's been almost a month since the last time Oliver and I ventured out together. I never wanted to push anything on him, so I always waited for him to come to me first before bringing up the idea. He knew to always come to me for an escape for he never could find his own sanctuary alone. I don't mind us sharing at all, in fact, I'm all for us going together. It means we each now have someone we can talk to rather than go in silence and also have a second opinion for everything.

I know it's not the nicest thing, but I can't wait any longer. I need to get out for a second and breathe. All these things coming down again like just before Mother passed away is giving an unsettling sense of deja vu. Oliver or not I was going.

As I carefully slid out my window, I looked over toward Oliver's room just to make sure he wasn't peeking his head out the window like he used to always do in the beginning. Being wrapped in a heavy green coat made the weights on my shoulders feel real. Too real. The very cold air felt refreshing like I was taking my first real deep breath today. Everything felt restricted and confined up until now. It's like my feelings were laughing and taunting me. The fresh, crisp air snapped back at those laughing emotions and now it all feels relaxing. No worries, except for making sure Oliver doesn't find out I left without him.

I don't know if he will even be upset about but he is very spontaneous with his reactions. It could be a simple shrug or a massive crying fest. I didn't want him upset with me for any reason, but then again he kind of deserves it. The truth about his date still hasn't come up and Britney and I are positive there have been three more.

He is hiding his relationships and I am hiding my safe place.

I shook my head as I rounded the corner that leads me to the field. The whole point of the escape was to calm down and not stress me out with stray and unsettling thoughts. It was all about processing things and meditating.

For some strange reason, coming here without Oliver just felt wrong. It felt as if a piece was missing and I needed to go back and get him. But then again, he deserved this. He deserved this, right? I knew I wasn't being too harsh about the whole situation. If he was going to lie then so was I it's as simple as that.

Sadly, coming here alone still left an uneasy feeling no matter how much loathing I had for him. It was as if my brain was smarter than my heart (ironically) and was screaming at me that this was a bad idea.

I needed to stop.

Like I said I can't have these bad thoughts running through my head when I'm going to a place where it's supposed to be calming.

When I reached the start of the field after crossing the street, I was met with a cool breeze. A shiver ran down my back and the idea of coming out here so late while it was so cold suddenly seemed just as wrong as coming out here without Oliver. What was wrong with these? With me? Why was everything seeming to wrong and the complete opposite of virtuous? I never felt bad coming out here, it was always a relief.

Now I'm thinking of Father. Of how worried he would be knowing I'm out this late. He claims to know about my little escape routine but I still find that hard to believe. I'm thinking of Britney and how I've never told her about my sanctuary before. She has no idea what I do and it's crazy to think that I can't even trust my best friend. And of course, I'm thinking of Oliver. How livid he would be if he found out I ventured without him. Then I think of that could just be him overreacting. Or maybe I was the one overreacting. He is just a poor from a messed up family and I'm a snobby girl with a dead Mother and careless Father and why was everything spinning????