the wind

And Then You Happend...

[unedited]

Sometimes i wonder if it would nice to fade away to just let myself slip away from this world, to go under water and never come back up again...no body would miss me i mean look at me a fat 105.3 pounds (as of this morning). My face is dotted in acne and i have hair as dull and life less as i want to be. I walk to he body length mirror and slip of my tank top and gym shorts, turning to the side i began a list of all the little bits and things i want to change about myself. Slipping back on my clothes i sank down to the floor and began 105 crunches one for every pound i am over weight. Then i began 105 squats, pushups, a 105 minute long planking session. I was about ready to give up from and hunger when i remembered how fat i am and much skinnier ill be if i could hold off for just a bit longer. I heaved myself up and leaned against a wall for support, finally i reached my bathroom i stepped on the scale it blinked to life, 104.1! Yah!! Skinny here i come! i wanted to dance but as soon as i tried i began to see white spots, i crawled to my room and grabbed the frame of my bed and pulled myself onto the soft welcoming mattress. "Sweetie, time to go eat dinner." my mom tried to get me to get up. "ill be down in a minute" i managed before i slipped into the black pit that was my mind.

"you guyss lets play truth or dare!" said a little fifth grade voice.

A chorus of OK and sure was heard around the teacher less classroom.

"belle your first" i could hear my stupid little voice muttering "OK"

"so truth or dare?" a young boy with green eyes and freckles asked.

"dare" i said figuring it would make me cooler.

"i dare you to..." the girl who started the game stopped to ponder for a moment, "kiss collen!"

Everyone became very quiet right before stupid little collen blurted out "No way I'm kissing that girl" he said.

"aw wittle collen is scared of kissing?" some one teased.

"i will kiss any other girl in this room but not her" collen pleaded.

"chicken" yelled quite a few people in the room. "bawk bawk bawck bawck"

"you guys she too fat she will crush me!" collen yelled.

I had never once given any consideration to my weight until then, i didn't look fatter then any other girls i my class i thought but obviously i was wrong.

i ran out of the room and passed the play ground until i tripped in the middle of the pee-wee football field. Sobbing i didn't even bother to try and get up i just currled into a ball and willed the earth to swallow me whole.

Groggily i woke up and check my phone ugh 6:30 time to get ready for the hellhole called high school. Gently stepping out of bed i began my morning jog on my treadmill, i was supposed to be getting ready for cross country with it but instead i used it for my working out, which counted i guess, right? After 10 minutes of running i turn off the treadmill and walk down the hallway and into the bath room turning on the shower and grabbing my razor and making one line across my arm. An attempt to stop my head from thinking so much.

More just a tally mark.

Rolling out of bed i got ready as quickly as humanly possible. But when i got down stairs i smelt my worst enemy. food.

"good morning sweetheart" my mom yelled having heard me come down the stairs. "morning" i said walking into the kitchen. "i made you breakfast" she said sliding a plate of pancakes and eggs to me.