trigger warning / self harm
I used to tear open my skin for fun i always loved the way the blood dripped off of my legs until a few hours later when i looked at the dried blood and had a panic attack because what was wrong with me why would i do something like this to myself what would people think if they knew how would i hide this from people how could i look at myself the same after tearing myself apart like this why can't i process pain like a normal person why do i feel the urge to rip my skin open in order to feel whole it doesn't make any sense to me even though i experience it daily i just want to be normal i don't care how i get there because i can't even wear a bikini without constantly worrying my scars are showing and im always searching for other people like me people who only know pain and blood and what it's like to cry your eyes out at 3am when your skin is on fire and your hands are shaking and your eyes are blurred by all of the tears i just want to be normal somebody please tell me how where's the manual to wiring your brain the correct way the way in which you don't have the urge to harm yourself the second things go wrong which they do a lot and i can't possibly battle this demon much longer before i cave in so somebody please help me before it's too late before i mess up before i can't be saved
