The 20 Dates Challenge

Forty-One - What Gives

What Gives

When I wake, Alex and Craig are sitting against the door.

‘You’re mum let me in,’ Craig says before I can ask.

‘I know where the spare key is,’ Alex says, needing to have the last word.

I sit up and pull the duvet around me. My pyjamas consist of a soft, slightly see-through singlet and a pair of Winnie the Pooh undies.

‘What’s happening?’ I ask.

Alex stands and sits on the bed next to me.

‘We know this isn’t working,’ Craig says, sitting on my other side.

I draw the duvet around me tighter.

‘So, we are going to make this easier on you,’ he continues, ‘Alex and I have agreed that you need space. So, we just want you to talk, to tell us what you want.’

‘And we’re going to listen,’ Alex adds.

I sigh loudly.

‘Firstly,’ I say.

They both lean in intently.

‘I want you to get out of my room and come back at a more reasonable hour,’ I huff.

I can see my phone flashing 5.45 am. The two boys look a little taken aback. Then Craig smiles.

‘Fine, I’ll make you breakfast in bed. Pancakes, bacon, eggs and hash browns sounds nice,’ he laughs.

‘Ok, you make us breakfast and I’ll stay here and snuggle with Savannah,’ Alex wraps his arms around me and pulls me to him.

I push him away.

‘How about you go help him? I like sleeping alone anyway,’ I say.

The two boys get off the bed and leave the room. I quickly throw on a t-shirt and flannel pants before climbing under the covers again.

At eight, I’m awoken by the smell of bacon, eggs, pancakes and hash browns. I follow my nose to the dining room. The table has been set and my mother sits in front of an empty plate.

‘What gives?’ I ask, sitting beside her.

‘The boys wouldn’t serve food until you were awake,’ she says.

I just laugh. Then, Craig and Alex enter the room, each carrying plates of food. They put them down on the table and sit across from us. I pile up my plate with food and dig in. It tastes amazing. Almost too amazing.

‘Ok,’ I say, ‘what gives?’

‘Nothing,’ Craig and Alex say at the same time.

‘Spill it,’ I say.

I sniff the air. Mum does too.

‘How much bacon did you burn?’ she asks.

‘And how much did it cost to get McDonald’s to make bacon and egg McMuffins without the muffin?’ I ask.

‘Four packets of bacon,’ Craig says.

‘And they did it for no extra charge,’ Alex adds.

We all laugh.

‘Whose idea was it to go to McDonalds?’ I ask.

‘Larry’s,’ they both huff.

Mum and I laugh again. When we all finish, the boys pack up the table and wash the dishes while Mum and I watch the news.

‘You decided what you’re going to do?’ Mum whispers softly.

‘No idea,’ I say sadly.

She puts her arm around my shoulder.

‘You’ll figure it out,’ she says.

‘And what if I don’t?’ I say, ‘I can’t just drag them around forever. That’s so unfair and a little slutty on my part.’

I sigh.

‘You will never be a slut,’ Mum says, ‘when I was your age, all I wanted was to have two boys fighting over me.’

‘Take them,’ I say, ‘I don’t want them fighting. I love them both.’

‘But you love one more,’ she says.

I nod.

‘Alex,’ I whisper.

‘I knew it,’ a voice says behind me.

I sit up and turn around. Craig and Alex are standing in the door way. Craig looks absolutely devastated and Alex is somewhere between ecstatic and confused.

‘Craig,’ I say.

I stand up and walk around the couch.

‘I knew all this time that you never lost your feelings for him. I just hoped that, if I waited long enough, showed you how good we could be, you’d choose me. Who was I kidding?’ he turns and leaves the house.

I run after him.

‘I never meant to hurt you,’ I say.

He stops at the end of his driveway and turns to face me.

‘I know you didn’t,’ he says, ‘and I don’t blame you for any of this. I went after a girl who wanted someone else.’

‘I did want you,’ I say.

‘No, you wanted someone to love you and I did that. But I wasn’t the one you wanted to love you.’

‘I’m so sorry.’

He walks back to me and takes both my hands in his.

‘Don’t be sorry for loving someone. Never apologise for love. We don’t choose love, love chooses us,’ he kisses me, soft and gentle on the lips, ‘I love you. I will always love you. And you will always love me. But you will always love him more. And I can’t come between that. It wouldn’t be fair.’

Then he lets me go and walks away. I don’t even notice my feet going numb from cold, or Alex and my Mum standing in the doorway behind me. It’s a while before I find the strength to turn around and face him.