You Only Die Once

Chapter Four

After Will died, I didn't know how to go on.  We weren't really close, but seeing someone you know die is something that'll stay with you forever.  I was assigned the task of going through his things, to see if there was anything we could use.  I sat on the floor of the trenches and pulled out a fag.  I chain smoked for a few minutes, before finally opening his bag.  It was filled with letters.  I decided to open one up.  I don't know why.  It said:
Dear Ma,
All the guys here are real nice.  Especially that Chris.  I feel like we could've been friends.  I'm real busy, so this is all the time I had to write.  I'll be home soon.
Love, Will
It made me wonder.  Was that an unsent letter, or did he write it knowing he was probably going to die? 

After I finished reading the letter, I started to cry.  I cried for my Ma, whose real son wouldn't ever come back.  I cried for the families who would be left with an empty chair at dinner.  I cried for Will, who could have been a friend.  I cried for the men who fought and died without really knowing why.  I pressed my fist to my mouth and dug my fingernails into my palms.  I left deep crescent shaped indents, but I still couldn't stop crying.

After what seemed like hours, I finally stopped.  I pulled my bag off my shoulders and pulled out my shaving kit and gun.  I looked into the little mirror for a few seconds before hurling it against the trench wall.  It landed with a dull thump.  I loaded my gun, and cocked it.  I raised it up to my head and held it there.  After a few seconds, I lowered my hand.  The gun clattered to the floor.  I couldn't do it.  I whispered:" I'm sorry,Will, but you only die once."

I climbed to my feet.  I had to keep moving; I had to stay alive.  I heard the sound of a gun being cocked right next to my head. 
"Don't move.  Don't make any noise.  The last thing I want is to kill you, although that's still on the list."

" Shoot me then" I said.  I don't have anything left.  Please shoot me."
"No." I twisted around, trying to pry the gun out of their hands.  As soon as  I saw their face I froze.  Will.  It was Will.  He was alive.  "How the fuck are you alive?!  I saw you bleed.  I watched you die.  How are you here?!" I turned away from him.  " I know! I'm going crazy! I'm hallucinating!" I jabbed a finger in the air.  "You're not real!" I jabbed the air again like I was making sure it was dead.  "Chris.  I'm alive.  I'm real.  Let me ex-" I cut him off mid- sentence.   "How?!."  He looked me dead in the eye.  " Like this. " He stripped off the rest of his shirt to reveal a small pocket watch and two sizeable breasts.  " I had help." I looked at his;no, her chest: "I can see that." She frowned at me.  "That's not what I meant.  I had help with faking my death."  "Why would you fake your death?!  No, why are you a girl?!" She stared at me: "well, it's not like I could control it." I glared at her.  "That's not what I meant.  Anyway, how does the watch come into this?!" She silenced me with a wave of her hand.  "That's not important." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a gun.  "I hoped that you were as dumb as you looked", then she cocked it and pulled the trigger.

As I fell, all I could think was: "finally."