This is an implied slash pairing. Nothing sexually graphic ahead. But I will warn you... you may need tissues. WARNING: Character death ahead.
He sat in a corner alone; hoping the people who milled aimlessly around the room would just pass him by as if he weren’t even there. Unfortunately most of them found it necessary to approach him and tell him how sorry they were, offering shallow condolences and phony sympathies. His chest ached more with each breath as he stared at the blonde at the front of the room, her normally beautiful face distorted by the agony of losing a loved one. He shared in her pain, but felt alone at the same time. They had shared him for years, but in different ways. He was the father of her children, her husband of ten years and the person she woke up to each morning, but to him he was a shoulder to lean on, the person who made him want to be a better man and his best friend. His body shook as he remembered their last night together. It was after their secret vacation to Spain. They held each other and clung to each other in passion and every morning, when Marcus would try and creep away in silence, Ben could feel his heart breaking a little at a time.
How could he do this to me? he would say to himself in his mind, over and over as if he hoped Marcus would sense what he was saying. That moment never happened, and time after time Marcus would leave the arms of his lover late at night to return to his “normal” life; the one that everyone openly accepted and the life that Ben knew deep down he loathed. He had tried to convince the other man that they could leave this life and be on their own, lost in their own lives, lost in each other. At every mention of escape, Marcus would simply smile at Ben, a look of what could almost be described as sorrow plaguing his normally handsome features as he spoke.
There is only one escape from this life, Ben. You and I both know that all too well.
The words rattled around in Ben’s brain, pushing out any thought of rationality and sensible behavior. He stood from his chair and focused his intent on the grieving widow as she stood with her late husband’s cold hand in her own. Taking a wobbly step forward, something in the back of his mind screamed that this was wrong; that while she deserved to know the truth about her husband, this wasn’t the place to do it. Sinking back into his chair, Ben buried his head in his hands and let the tears flow freely. He no longer cared who saw his emotions, raw and uncensored. His heart shattered every time he took a breath, and he wished he were the one who lay in that casket, silent and cold. He was certain no one could miss him as much as they would Marcus. Besides, Marcus was always the strong one. He could have made it without Ben.
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
After what seemed like hours, Ben lifted his head. The crowd had grown sparse. Most of the people left were immediate family or close friends. Carey still clung to her husband’s hand, whispering I love you’s and obscenities as the emotions coursed through her veins. She knew her efforts were useless but that didn’t stop her. As Ben watched the scene before him, he noticed the pity he felt was not for her but for himself. If it wasn’t for her, he could have had him all to himself. They could have made a life together. Most importantly, the man who has been his lover for the last fifteen years would still be alive. The funeral home wouldn’t have had to go to extra lengths to hide the horrific gashes that had slowly released the life of a once vibrant and loving man onto the stainless and cold operating room floor, staining the sterile white surface with a rich and cold burgundy. Those stains were now permanent on the world, both physical and emotional. The waves of the tragedy ripped through the entire musical community, a tsunami of misery drowning everyone who stood in its wake as the one man who brought true compassion and feeling to the music world now lay silent. Only one person appeared to be unaffected but that was only on the outside. On the inside, he was every bit as dead as the man in the casket. Voices from the past started to resurface, and again he could hear their last conversation before that fateful night.
