Sweet Thing

Everything's Good

Lupe

Every day after I got off work, I went straight to my room to cry. It'd been a week without Quan and it made my heart ache knowing that she was really done with me so soon. We had no set date of when we had first started being together, all either of us could remember is that 'girlfriend' started popping up in the conversation and we didn't shy away from the title. But now the only title we shared was 'ex.'

Mami knocked on my door and stood, waiting for me to answer, but I didn't. I laid in bed and put my pillow over my eyes. I had homework to finish, but that didn't matter either. What was the point? I could graduate top of my class and still be too queer, too Black, and too female to get into any top tier school or even accounting firm. Papi and Mami couldn't spend tens of thousands on my college if they had to pay for Rico, Carmina, and Luz down the line. Even my good grades couldn't make me happy.

"Lupita," Mami said softly as she sat on my bed and stroked my cheek. "Lupita, it's okay. Sometimes you break up. Both your father and I had other novios before we met. When you're young and beautiful like you, sweetie, you date around."

"I don't wanna date around," I answered, trying to wipe away some tears form my face. "I want Quan and I want to be out the shadows with her."

"Do you want Michelle and Reyna to come over? They've been calling for you."

"Yeah, I'd like them to come, please." She kissed my head and left. They had asked me yesterday to chill over the weekend, but I was too busy being hurt. It was still early in the afternoon since I'd gone into work before the sun even rose. All last night I listened to any break-up song I could find and withered away in bed. Nothing meant anything.

"Let's get out the house, Lupita, your girls said they'll be ready in an hour," Mami informed me. I sat up and tried to imagine having fun again, but I forgot how. Me, Reyna, and Michelle hadn't had a girls' night in a long time, even before me and Quan had even started talking.

After much poking and prodding on my mommy's part, she got me to put on my favorite outfit and escape from my den of melancholy. While we drove around with my best friends, happy songs played on the radio and we all giggled.

"Lupe," Reyna gasped, "do you remember freshman year when we went to the homecoming dance?"

"Yes! And Michelle spilled her drink on Jackson? But he liked her so much that he apologized to her!"

Michelle interjected, "Shut up! Me and Jackson were just friends."

Reyna shook her head vigorously and added, "He asked you out on the same night, MiMi. That boy was in love with you!"

I laughed until my eyes watered. It was good to finally have a moment that didn't involve missing Quan or worrying about when she'd call. If she could go a week without any contact with me, then I guessed it meant we were over for real. But something in the back of my mind still gave me hope. She hadn't posted a single picture on Instagram since our break-up, though which made me wonder. Maybe she really never had cared for me or whatever our relationship was. Had none of it ever truly mattered?

That night, Michelle and Reyna were laying around in my room while we re-watched Love Jones. I was curled up in my bed re-reading old messages from Quan. I wasn't ready to delete them yet.

"We're having a sleepover at your house, Lupe, you gotta pay attention to us!" Reyna demanded, throwing a teddy bear at me. "What are you doing anyway?"

"Obviously something that has to do with Quan," Michelle answered wisely.

"Yeah," I confessed, "but I'm nearly done. This was the last message I could find."