Smile For Me, Ressler

35

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

I decided to break it.

Before I could even go inside Zild's car, someone grabbed my hand.

Halos manghina ako nang makita ko si Ressler na nakatayo sa harapan ko, hawak-hawak ang braso ko.

"R-Ressler," pabulong kong sabi.

From the driver's side, Zild turned his head to our direction.

"Are you really that desperate?" he asked Zild. There's a hint of anger in his voice.

"Back off, Ress. We're going home," Zild replied, staring at Ressler's hand on my arm that's starting to bruise me.

"You're hurting her," makahulugang sabi ni Zild sa kanya pero mahinang natawa si Ressler.

"This is nothing compared to what she has done to me, don't you think?"

I couldn't speak. I just stood there like a kid, not knowing what to do or what to say.

I didn't expect him to be standing here right next to me, stopping me from going with Zild.

"Say that after you hear the whole story, man," Zild said, shifting his eyes on me. "Get in the car, Tam," kalmado niyang sabi kaya marahan kong inalis ang kamay ni Ressler na nakahawak sa 'kin para pumasok sa loob pero hinawakan niya ako ulit, and this time mas mahigpit.

"She's my wife," madiin niyang sabi.

"Oh. Kaya pala ang dami mong hindi alam. Hindi mo inalam kasi wala kang pakialam," Zild countered.

Mas dumiin pa ang hawak sa 'kin ni Ressler.

"You're a Morris, I get it. But not the Morris who married Tamara. And that makes me the winner."

"Oh. So, there's a competition now, Ress?" natatawang tanong ni Zild.

"Let's go, Tam," muling sabi sa 'kin ni Zild pero hindi pa man ako nakakapagsalita ay hinila ako ni Ressler papunta sa sasakyan niya.

Mabilis niya akong isinakay sa loob at nang makaikot siya sa kabila ay pumasok na rin siya sa loob saka niya pinaandar ang sasakyan paalis.

Ramdam ko na ang panghihina at pagkahilo ko gawa ng sakit ko.

Wala akong sapat na lakas para makipagtalo sa kanya. Tahimik lang kaming pareho habang nagmamaneho siya.

Hindi ito ang daan papunta sa bahay nila dito sa Vera. Saan niya ako dadalhin?

"Nababaliw ka na ba? Saan tayo pupunta ng ganitong oras? Nasaan si Ram? Walang kasama si Ram sa bahay niyo? Iniwan mo siya mag-isa do'n?" inis kong sabi sa kanya pero nanatili siyang seryoso at tahimik.

Magsasalita pa sana ulit ako pero natigilan ako nang makaramdam ako ng muling pananakit ng gilagid ko at pag-init ng lalamunan ko.

"S-Stop the car," pakiusap ko sa kanya pero hindi niya ako pinansin.

"F*ck. Ressler! I said stop the damn car!" sigaw ko sa kanya kaya gulat niyang inihinto sa gilid ang sasakyan.

"What the hell, Tam? Do you really need to yell at m—"

Hindi ko na pinakinggan ang mga susunod niyang sinabi dahil dali-dali akong lumabas ng sasakyan niya at nagsuka ng nagsuka sa gilid ng kalsada.

I started coughing. I felt so weak. Halos nararamdaman ko na ang pagguhit ng dugo sa lalamunan at gilagid ko.

Nagulat na lang ako nasa tabi ko na si Ressler at hinagod niya ng marahan ang likod ko. Hindi ko siya magawang itulak palayo dahil nanghihina na talaga ako.

Nang tumigil ako sa pagsuka at pag-ubo, napasandal na lang ako sa sasakyan ni Ressler.

Nag-aalala niya akong tiningnan. His eyebrows creased as his eyes landed on my arm. Agad niyang kinuha ang braso ko when he noticed the bruises on it.

Madiin kasi ang pagkakahawak niya sa 'kin kanina, and because of my leukemia, madali akong masugatan o magkapasa.

"I'm sorry. F*ck. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you," he said, letting go of my arm and shook his head.

I know he's confused with what happened to me. He wasn't expecting to see me like this.

Before I could even respond to him, my vision went black.

* * *

I slowly opened my eyes and clung to weaken the blurry image in front of my eyes.

I caught a glimpse of the desolate beige and white hospital bedroom. How long have I stayed here? I closed my eyes and tried to remember what happened. Then it all startled me.

I began to panic. I tried to get up, but I'm struggling to move.

There I saw Ressler, sitting on the corner of the room with his eyes closed.

I hope he still doesn't know about my leukemia.

My heart almost jumped out of my chest when he opened his eyes and met mine. When he realized that I'm awake, he stood up from the couch and sat at the edge of my bed.

He wants to say something but no words came out from his mouth. He avoided my eyes and stared at the ceiling.

After a moment of silence, he finally found his voice to speak up.

"Why haven't you tol—" He trailed off, trying to hold back his tears. "Why did you hide it from me?" he asked, his voice shaking.

As soon as those words came out from his mouth, I couldn't do anything but hate myself from getting caught.

I didn't want you to know, Ressler.

I didn't want you to know that the day you married me has also been the same day I was diagnosed with cancer.

I wanted to explain to him, but I'm too weak to wipe his tears off his eyes and cheek.

I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life.

I remember saying that vow on our wedding day, but the same day I've been diagnosed with cancer, I decided to break it.

______

Tiana: Juskooo, ang bigat niyo sa dibdib.