Big Bad Alphas

Chapter 32

I feel guilty laying beside him, as the feeling of Alpha Kenn's lips on mine will not leave me—it is bullying me. The event replays in my mind while I lay beside him sleeplessly, the feeling returning and the panic also, my rush to escape when I should have stayed and questioned him more. Why was he in Eric's office? To find papers, he said, but should I believe him? Why else would he be in there? No good reason with strong evidence comes to mind.

Finally today I am picking up Kendra, and that will give me time to think during the drive. Eric has volunteered to come with me, but I have managed to convince him to stay here with Alpha Kenn. Without much rest, I say my temporary goodbye to Caroline and head out of the house to find Eric, to let him know that I am leaving.

The two guards taking me, weirdly the ones who detained me in that house a long time ago, tell me that he is by the border with Alpha Kenn. I head in the direction, ignoring the thoughts of awkwardness and embarrassment.

First I spot Alpha Kenn, and I painfully walk up to him. He notices me and looks uncomfortable also. "Hi, I'm looking for Eric."

He says nothing, but motions in the direction of my Mate, and I spot him in the distance. "Thanks," I mumble and take a few steps forward, yet something stops me. "What happened last night—"

"Now is not the time to talk about it," Alpha Kenn cuts me off and turns away.

I swallow my pride and walk up to Eric. A smile stretches across his face when he sees me, and I force one onto my own, wanting to spill all I have convinced myself to hold onto.

"I'm leaving now. I should be back around midnight tonight."

He nods. "I'll wait up for you two then."

"Oh, you don't have to do—"

"But I do," Eric pulls me into his embrace and I bite the inside of my cheek. It is as if he is trying to squeeze the truth out of me. "I can still come if you like."

"No," I answer all too quickly, "no, I'll be okay. It will only take the day."

"Alright." Eric leans down and places a soft, sweet kiss on my lips, and it is the first time we have kissed in front of many people. A few guards are scattered around us, their eyes casually glancing over. Once I receive the feeling, the feeling of my mates lips again, I cannot get enough. What is a quick goodbye kiss is swiftly molded into an action filled with need. I need to forget about Alpha Kenn's lips, our kiss, the sensation of betrayal that it gave me. Eric quickly picks up on my hunger, and he pulls away, casually playing my unexpected move off with a hug.

Near his ear, I whisper to him, "I want you, now, right now, before I go."

I want my Mate. I want to forget. I want it right now.

He looks down at me with surprise only in his eyes, keeping a cool and collected expression in front of his guards. "I'll be back, continue on without me," he absently orders and tugs me in the direction of the house.

Maybe it is the urgency inside of me to have him or the clock ticking by speedily in the background, but as he pushes me up against the wall in the privacy of our bedroom, I cannot seem to quiet my moaning and shouting. The house is empty, Caroline off with Marina as she helps her grab more clothes, Alpha Kenn by the borders, and the animalistic actions between my Mate and I fill the empty air. Unlike the first time, this time is clouded with desperation and insistence. The roughness of the bedroom wall and closeness of our bodies makes me wild. I am depending on Eric to hold me up, to make all the thoughts of Alpha Kenn vanish.

Fisting his hair then breathing heavily past him, I squeeze my eyes shut when I can no longer hold on. My teeth clench from my body's intense and satisfying reaction of the spontaneous and heated sex. Moments later I feel the ground beneath my wobbling legs.

I walk past him, immediately heading into the bathroom and closing the door behind me. Half naked, I do not look towards the mirror, but sit on the edge of the bathtub. It is wrong to abandon my Mate in the emptiness of our bedroom after such an intimate action, but I could not let him see the tears streaming down my cheeks. All in an attempt to feel better, I have made myself feel even worse, more guilty at that. It is the fact that I am refusing to see the bad in Alpha Kenn, that I am keeping our kiss from my Mate, that I selfishly used Eric to forget about a mistake with another, and it is nice to let the tears flow.

Maybe this is it, maybe I am simply a wreck from all that has happened.

After wiping my tears, I plaster on a smile and say my goodbyes to my mate. Maybe it is wrong to act okay, and maybe I do not care. I need a break, to distance myself from this pack, from my mate, and from Alpha Kenn, even if it is only for the day. Kendra will take my mind off of this and I will come back refreshed with old responsibilities, taking care of my sister again, like things used to be.

Back then I never worried about sex, love, and a relationship. I never used others for a selfish escape. It was Kendra and me against the world, and I need to grasp that again.

My legs are glued together in the car as odd sensations prod at me, wiggling around, I try and make them go away. The two guards sit up front leaving the backseat all for me. I lean against the door and toss my legs up along the other seats, trying to relax. Being held up against a wall and thrust into repeatedly has my body in an unusual state, one of exhaustion and soreness. The particular spot underneath my thighs where Eric's hands gripped onto me roughly is tender, along with other specific places.

Being in the car with two other men does not make my situation any better. It is awkward, only for me. If only they knew. I will have to sober up for Kendra, but I have a couple hours before we arrive, giving me plenty of time. Part of me wishes to go back, to re-live the steamy moment over again, but the other is grasping on to the guilt, not letting me discard it. Surely Eric cannot be completely upset if he found out. It is not like sex is not enjoyable for him. Would the meaning behind it bother him as much as it bothers me?

Resting my head against the window, which is rather uncomfortable, I close my eyes and hope that one of the larger bumps will knock me out. At least I could get some shuteye then. My mind is all over the place.

Maybe I should stay the night and leave the next morning. Saying something inappropriate in front of Kendra due to lack of sleep would be terrible, yet avoidable. I could sleep in my old bed again, the same bed that I cried for weeks on after my father's passing, the bed I dreamed about my future Mate on, and the bed that I had a panic attack on while packing my things—the night that I discovered Eric was my Mate.

I remember that night so clearly. The attack, losing my sister, finding Eric, being kept safe, talking with the Luna, it was all one giant mess. I rushed into my bedroom, locked the door and struggled to breathe. Soon after I pulled myself together and gathered my things before anyone could begin to worry.

I refuse to open my eyes during my battle for sleep, and eventually, I am victorious. No dream is conjured in my mind, only a peaceful nap, knowing that when I wake we will be parked in front of my old house. Visualizing Kendra's beautiful, youthful face makes any nightmares cower away.