Every Bad Thing

Chapter Twenty-Four

I felt the guilt slowly settle in. Thoughts began to race in my head, blaming myself for the mistake I just made.

I'm so stupid. Stupid enough to doubt Silas, stupid enough to think that Silas could do something like that to me. I was stupid enough to believe her more than him.

She's right. I was weak. My trust for him was too weak. Silas deserves better. He doesn't deserve me. Do I care though? Yes. I want the best for Silas, and I'm clearly not it. It'd be best to let him go, but could I though? Am I selfless enough?

If I let him go right now, I will have to stand by my decision. If I let him go after this, there won't be chasing him anymore. Silas doesn't deserve to be pushed and pulled.

Can I let him go? Can I stand by my decision? Can I take not chasing after him?

The truth resurfaces and it's that I can't. I'm not kind enough. I'm not selfless enough. I'm not martyr enough to sacrifice my happiness. I'm sorry, Silas.

My eyes warmed with held back tears. I bit my lip as my feet began to move on its own, my steps slowly quickening until I found myself half-running towards the door of the library.

The corridor was slightly dark and absolutely quiet. The students have   already left. I saw the back of a retreating man from the farthest end of the hallway. My heart jumped. Silas. He's still here.

Binilisan at nilakihan ko ang bawat hakbang ng paa. He didn't hear or feel me coming. I extended my arms and snaked it around his stomach. I locked my fingers together, preventing him to escape. I buried my face on his back, his scent enveloped my nose.

His shoulders stiffened in surprise for a second, briefly went lax afterwards. I bit my lip and hugged him tighter.

"I'm sorry." the two words came out a sob, a tear escaped my eye.

Silas didn't make a move to face me. We stayed in that position. I can't move my arms even if I wanted. My knees will surely give up and I'd stumble and fall if I let him go.

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you." I whimpered. My tears were falling non-stop. "I'm sorry I don't deserve you..."

Silas inhaled sharply. He gripped on my hands and unclasped it. He escaped from my embrace. He faced me but I couldn't look at him, so I stared at his chest.

"Look at me, Laurene." he gently commanded. I shook my head, refusing to see his eyes.

He sighed. I felt his hand cup my chin. He tilted my head, raising it up so he could see my eyes. That's when I saw him. Kita ko ang pagod sa maamong mukha niya. His eyes were hinted with sorrow.

His jaw clenched. His eyes closed. He looked like he was in deep pain. Frustration was evident on his face. He opened his eyes and stared straight at me. I saw fear and anxiety.

The hand cupping my chin transferred to my cheek. His thumb softly brushed my skin. He visibly gulped.

"I-I'm in love with you, Laurene..." he weakly confessed, his words were merely a whisper but I still heard it loud and clear. My eyes widened. My heart thrummed heavily inside my chest. Silas closed his eyes, like he couldn't take watching my reaction. "Too much in love with you, baby."

My eyes blurred as the warm tears began to stream down my face once again. It unstoppingly rolled down my cheeks.

Hearing those words from him... My heart hurts so bad and so good at the same time. How is this possible? How can he make me feel too much? How can he make breathing impossible when he's near me?