[Dec. 10, 2019 #1 in JBFF]
The bad boys always want the good girl to be bad for them but what happends when the bad girl wants the good boy to be bad just for her?
"You are way too good," she said to me.
"Way too good?" I asked, raising my eyebrow...
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I walked into my apartment and closed the door behind me, not really caring if I had closed it too hard, before I made my way to my bedroom. It was very quiet here so I guessed that Juliana and Melyssa had not come home right away after college and that was good because I really wanted to be alone right now.
Entering my room, I tossed my bag and my jacket to the ground and let myself fall on the bed, taking the pillow and putting it over my face. I sighed loudly because I let myself be so upset about this situation but on the other hand I knew I couldn't really do much about it.
I simply had no idea how to deal with my feelings, especially now that I had to keep them to myself. It had been so long since I felt this way, with all the butterflies in my stomach and smiling at my phone because of a text message. It was kind of foreign even though I had been through that already but when I fell for Brandon a few years back it was different because he was mine and I could show him my feelings and be happy and this time I couldn't and that stressed me out.
I was aware of the fact that I could make this all so easy for myself by just talking to Justin about it and tell him how I felt about him but I honestly wasn't ready and I had no idea how I would take being rejected by him because I wanted him very, very bad.
Of course it could totally go the other way. I tell Justin I like him, he tells me he likes me back, we get into a relationship and live happy ever after but I didn't want to grasp onto that and get my hopes up. I was just so anxious and I had no idea what to do.
Why did this have to be so complicated? Why did love have to be so complicated?
Sometimes I wish we had like a chip in our bodies that would vibrate when we found the one, then I would never have to worry about a guy ever. It would simply be like, okay, you are my boy, your dïck is the one I'll be sucking forever, we'll have kids and be happy forever. Simple.
But apparently in life nothing was that simple.
I was so frustrated and upset and what upset me the most was that girl I had seen him with. I knew they weren't together because if they were Justin wouldn't be messing with me anymore but to think that there was nothing between them was wrong as well because you just tell that they had something by seeing the two of them together. Besides I hated to share and now it was obvious that I had to and that was so annoying.
I knew it was none of my business but I did want to know what exactly was going on between them and if it could turn out to something serious but I was probably never going to find out about it. I could definitely not ask Justin because he would think that I was jealous, which I was a little but he didn't have to know about that.
I was most likely going to ask Melyssa to ask Amir if he knew anything about it but until then all I could do now was just guess and overthink and guess and overthink and it was driving me insane but my mind didn't want to stop doing that and I hated it.
