SMASH THAT SLIZZARD

Episode 2

(A moment of collective silence smothers the audience) It wer a joke mister! We wer only jokin mister!!! (The audience laughs)

W-well- of course! I knew it was a joke! (Cough cough) Ha ha ha For you to assume that I'm gay Of all things it was a joke a joke a joke a joke

HA HA HA HA HA GLAPFCH SPLUTTER. WELL, ladies and gentlemen, I think it is time for one final question before we get to the GOOD stuff- SPLAT THAT SLIZZARD! So, out of all the wonderful contributions I have received, this was the question pulled out now oh! Oh my! Well this is a surprise SO, Robin, what do you have to say about this? Ladies and gentlemen, if you are easily flustered, please cover your ears (winks).

Robin, 'concerning the allegations made about the naked photographs of you, recently posted on the social media network Facebook, what do you have to say about yourself? Well, I warned you it would be a shocker, ladies and gentlemen and- now really! This is not the time to be looking them up! Ladies and gentlemen, if I could PLEASE ask you to put your phones away!! Ah, thank you, thank you- if you'd please. SIR! SIR! IF YOU DON'T REMOVE THAT PORTABLE PROJECTOR EQUIPMENT, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CALL FOR SECURITY!! Sorry, yes, thank you. (Cough cough) Well, Robin, I can't say I've seen them myself, but please share the juicy secrets; we'd all love to know! Just why did you post them?

Ah yes well, this is turning out to be quite the awkward interview for me this evening I see, well, what can I say? I was drunk that night and me and Jason- COUGH Uh My dog. Were watching TV you know and Stuff happened?

Robin! Shut yer fat mouth! (Evie hisses at Robin) uh- oh! Did I say that out loud? Goodness me, I'm so sorry, it didn't mean anything people! (Smiles sweetly)

ANYWAY, thank you Robin and Evie, for your insightful input, and THANK YOU audience, for being so wonderful tonight! Except you Mr Harvey Was the machine gun really necessary? Now let me turn your attention to the focus of the evening, these curtains right here. Now I know many of our fans watch the show frequently, and already think they know what will happen next, but let me tell you, we have a surprise tonight! In honour of the tenth season of SMASH THAT SLIZZARD- we've decided to introduce a couple extra features: all for YOUR entertainment!!!

Robin, Evie, I'm going to let you toddle backstage for ten minutes to prepare, because I KNOW you're going to need a strong one for what's coming up next

Well guys, see you in a bit!! (Crowd applauses) Now, where were we

Robin! What was that!? (Evie hissing backstage) You were THIS close! THIS CLOSE! (She mimics with her hands to express just how close Robin was) I swear to God, if I don't manage to wrangle myself into every damn TV show as a special guest, then I don't know what you'd do! Honestly, I give up! This is too much! And if it wasn't for that- do you know how much I had to spend on these dresses!? My guinea pig Robin! I had to sell my guinea pig!! You have the cash: care to share every once in awhile?

Urgh Evie I'm sorry, I just forgot? I know, I know I'd better get changed, you know

Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome back! WELCOME BACK ROBIN AND EVIE. MY GOD! Now if those two don't look absolutely stunning in those jumpsuits tonight, then my name isn't Simon Samuel Balthazar! Blue for her, and pink for him, how mighty fitting ladies and gentlemen, how fitting indeed!!

GAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!! (Member of audience screams)

Now is the moment ladies and gentlemen: this is it. THIS IS IT! (Drum roll) You can see the curtains rising, the gap is opening at the bottom and OH! Oh my! Look at them, you can see them! OH MY GOD! If you're seeing what I'm seeing right now, then I'd bet all my money that you are as shocked as I am!

Exquisite... Beautiful... Silky

And Just WAITING TO BE SMASHED!

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, the new, and the improved SLIZZARDS!!!!!!