Desolation

were taken from the actual anime, or rephrased**

My memories came to me so clearly now…I’m always reminded of how hated I was. Right from the start, everyone in Sunagakure had always resented and hated me, all because of how I had Shukaku sealed inside of me.

No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried to be friends with everyone, I was constantly shunned by everyone…despised…even by my own father. It took me so long to finally understand to love only myself, because no one else would.

 I lay in my bed as I let my memories take over and flood my mind.

            “I watched from afar as the rest of the kids played together, not even noticing me. one of them had accidentally kicked their ball too high and it landed on one of the nearby buildings, completely out of their reach. They had always hated me, but I thought that maybe if I helped them out and was nice to them, they would finally like me. Since Shukaku had been possessed by my body (or rather should I say my body is possessed by this horrid creature), I had been allowed to control the sand around me. I used this unique ability to carry the ball back to me. They looked at each other in confusion until they saw the reason their ball had been mysteriously carried away by the sand. I took the ball in my hand and offered it to them, smiling.

            “It’s that Gaara kid!” one of them screamed as they all took off running.

            “Wait, don’t leave me!” I pleaded, the sand I manipulated grabbing them by the legs and pulling them back. I didn’t mean to hurt them, but at least it kept them from leaving…I wanted so desperately to have friends…to not be alone anymore... My sand was just about to go after one of the kids when someone jumped in the way.

            “Gaara, no!” Instantly I stopped. It was Yashamaru. Because of my attack, it had left his arm and his forehead all bloody. “You can’t do this! You’ll end up hurting them!” he said.

Suddenly, I had remembered a conversation Yashamaru and I had started later.

 I had been questioning pain, taking note that whatever I tried to do, the sand would instantly rush to my aid, without me even telling it to do so. It would block whatever instrument I would attempt in using to wound me. I turned to see Yashamaru standing at the doorway.

“Please, Gaara. It hurts me to see you do that…even though the sand he would protect you anyway.” He said, walking up to me. I apologized sadly, for both trying to harm myself and unintentionally harming him. He simply put it off as if it were no big deal, hurting him like that.

“…Tell me, Yashamaru…what does pain feel like? I’ve never been injured before…and I have no clue as to what it is like…” I said. He thought for a moment before speaking.

“Pain is like…when you’re harmed, it’s a feeling that is difficult to take. It’s a situation you want to avoid, if at all possible.” He explained. I examined his wounds and felt guilty for what I had done.

“Do you…dislike me…like all of the others?” I questioned, frowning. He explained that everyone goes through life hurting others, and that it wasn’t easy for people to hate one another.

“Thanks a lot, Yashamaru! I think I understand what pain is now.” I said, grinning up at him. “I think I’m hurting as well…I’m always in pain. I’m not bleeding, although I feel a pain right here.” I said, clutching my chest where my heart was.

He said nothing; only simply took the knife that I was holding from my hands and cut his finger, a sliver of scarlet running from the newly formed wound.