the girl who played with knives || clato ✔️

5

Cato

After the recaps end, Clove and I just sit there silently for a while.

"Why are things so awkward now?" She asks.

"I don't know," I respond automatically, rising from the bed. She bolts up and says, "Don't go." I stare at her a little too long before telling her I'm not.

Instead, I lean over and pick up one of the yellow flowers I used when I did I her hair. I twirl it around between my fingers for a minute, until Clove comes up behind me and reaches for it.

"That's what the water was for," Clove says. "I felt bad about throwing them away."

"Why? They're just flowers," I say. Clove hesitates a moment, and I think she might be mad, but then she says, "Because they were from you."

And suddenly I am more aware of how close we are at the moment. Clove's breath hot against my neck, our fingers brushing together, both still holding the flower. I am also suddenly aware of the fact that I want to be even closer. Then she pulls away and I let her and the flower go. I resist the urge to take her in my arms and hold on tight forever.

She gathers the rest of the flowers and places them into the glass on her dresser one by one. I approach her from behind and begin to stroke her hair, still damp from her shower. She has just placed the last flower in the glass when we start to move backward, onto the bed. I lean against the pillows cross legged, with Clove in my lap, and continue to run my fingers through her hair. This is something I do a lot, my fingers dancing through her hair making braids and other up dos. It keeps me calm, and lets me focus- gather my thoughts. I eventually let my hands drop, and Clove leans her head against my chest. I wrap my arms around her waist and touch my cheek to hers, wishing I never had to leave her. Clove Cray: the girl who played with knives until she could never miss her target. Clove Cray: the girl who worked her way into my heart until I realized I could never live without her.

Clove

After Cato leaves, I lie on my back in bed, staring up at the ceiling and thinking until we get to the Capitol. I think about my mother, and how she begged me to come home, as did Dexter. Alexia said it was my choice, but to think about them too. Aunt Rose hugged me so tight and long I thought she'd never let go, and even Rosemary, who I barely knew, seemed to be pretty depressed when she wished me luck. I realize now that I may be missed a lot more than I thought. By Cato, by mom and Aunt Rose and the cousins. I suppose I get a good feeling, but it is quickly replaced by sadness as my mind wanders to Kimber.

Kimber. All she could get out was "Bye, Clove." Does this mean she doesn't expect me to come back? Does it mean she wants me to, or not? Does it mean she knows I will not let Cato die? Or was it simply goodbye?

Alexia said "We've all seen you two around school." And apparently it's obvious that he loves me? Surely she meant Cato. Cato. I am growing more and more confused about you. I though we were friends, but are we more than that? He did say he loved me, but friends can love each other? Friends can also hug, mess with each other's hair. But just now, Cato and I were so close. It seemed like he nearly kissed me. Kissed me. I'm pretty sure friends don't kiss. Not like that anyway. But maybe they do. Maybe we are just friends.

Really good ones.

Cato

I cannot stop thinking about Clove. What is up with me? I almost kissed her today! Kissed her! I wanted to kiss her; I still do, but why? Why now? Getting closer will only make it harder for both of us.

She said she loved me. I said I loved her. Mom said I loved her, and Kimber seemed to imply it as well. Kimber! I suddenly remember the metallic object.

I had just taken a shower and changed into some of the Capitol clothes, so I retrieve my dress pants from where they lay crumpled on the floor and fish the object out of the pocket.

Upon closer inspection, it is a necklace. An elongated octagonal silver pendant on a thin silver chain. I am just wondering why Kimber would give me such a thing when the pendant pops open from the pressure of my fingers, revealing itself as a locket. A tiny piece of paper flutters to the ground. I lean over to pick it up and see a message scrawled in loopy cursive letters. It says,

Clove & Cato of District 2, star-crossed lovers but no one knew. If you love her, bring her back. -Kimber

I toss the paper back to the ground and sit beside it, trying to calm down. It feels like someone is squeezing my heart. Star-crossed lovers, I think to myself, is that what we are?

It seems almost accurate, if a little dramatized. Star-crossed lovers? No. Lovers? Maybe. In love? I don't know. I love her, and she loves me, but in what way? And even so, this will never work out. We will be dead soon. Or at least I will. I will bring her back, Kimber. Don't you worry.

-

After a little while I look back at the locket, which is laying haphazardly in the palm of my left hand, Kimber's note now gripped in the right. My heart feels like it's being squeezed again. On the left side of the locket is an old black and white picture of Clove and Kimber when they were 11 and 15. It was cold, so they're all bundled up, and they appear to be sitting under the oak tree in Clove's backyard, and they're both looking off into the distance.

The picture on the right is what really makes me emotionally unstable. It's me and Clove. I stare at the pictures for a long time. I stare at Kimber, and wonder what she knows; why she called us star-crossed lovers, why she had this picture. I stare at me and wonder what will happen to us. I stare at Clove. And that's when I realize I've fallen in love with her at the worst possible time.