Spencer
When I woke up this morning, the house was really really quiet. The love birds went over to have breakfast, John and Betty are at a church garage sale, Chris is at a friends, Toby's on a walk, Ezra's tutoring someone from the church, Peter's out at some play center with Daniel, so it looks like it's just me, Aria and grandpa in the house. But grandpa's most likely either sleeping or collecting the morning eggs from the chickens and such. And so I camp out in my room and make an attempt to get in touch with home. I go on Facebook and check the overload of notifications and messages, scroll through the online issue of the Rosewood weekly, and then I finally log onto my email. There's a lot of spam from the weeks I've let my email go. There's a few from Hanna and Emily from before they came, although I already know everything in them, because they figured I wasn't checking my email or facebook so they call me instead. After skimming through all the boring emails, I finally spot an email from Melissa. She apologized, says she misses me and loves me, and that she wants me to come home. She says she's going to do whatever she possibly can to continue supporting me and my baby, if I chose to keep him or her. Then she asks me to call her.
I've built up walls against Melissa. Plenty of them. Blocked out her comments and jokes, the insults and lies. If she's suddenly nice for some reason, I don't just into it and embrace it. I wait and see if it's real before carefully dipping my toes in. And for some periods of my life we're best friends. Like if she has a boyfriend and she's happy. Or if money isn't tight that month. We get along great and I let my guard down. Then slowly she betrays my trust and the guard goes back up. So when I read this I'm not convinced. But then I love onto the next email from her. She's pleading for me to reply, to call her, to do anything to let her know I'm safe or at least alive. She's saying she doesn't even need to know where I am, just that I'm okay. She says she knows she's been a jerk, a huge one. And that she doesn't deserve me to come home. But that she loves me and wants her 'baby sister back'. And now, despite the walls around me, I'm crying. I think it's the pregnancy hormones. But in my intense emotions, I pick up my cell phone, dial her number and wait.
"Spencer?!" She answers.
I can't talk without the words coming out cracked by the lump in my throat.
"Spencer is that you? Are you okay?"
"Mel?" I choke out. I hate my crying voice. Melissa thinks it's funny though. But she's not laugh now. She's crying.
"Spencer, you're okay!" She's sniffling and laughing in relief. "Where are you? No, never mind I don't need to know. Did you get my emails? Do you know how much I love you, Spence?"
"I did." I tell her, smiling like an idiot to myself. "I'm in Kansas. On a farm owned by Aria's boyfriend's Aunt and Uncle. I gave you the number remember? And I told you where I was going. I wrote you a note..."
"I never found it... where was it?"
I close my eyes and try to remember. But I was so tired, maybe I didn't leave it after all.
"I can't remember, I'm sorry Melissa."
"It's okay, it's my fault for kicking you out..."
It's silent on the line for a long time even though I'm sure we both have so much to say to each other. So much that I don't know where to start. So I pick the most important and go with it.
"It's a boy..."
It's silent on the line again for a long time.
"Is he okay? Healthy?"
"Yeah, he is.. he's growing like a weed..." I put my hand on my stomach and smile.
"Are you healthy?"
"Yeah. I hardly had any symptoms, honestly. No nausea or anything. I hardly even feel tired."
"You're lucky..." She sighs. She sounds odd. Like she knows what it feels like to be pregnant. And I'm wondering... does she? Has she ever been pregnant? Is that why she took my news so hard? Or, is she pregnant now?
"How are you doing?" I ask.
"Oh, I'm... okay..."
"Any boyfriends?"
She's quiet.
"Never mind, that's personal. How are you health wise?" I'm hoping, if she is pregnant, she'll tell me before I have to ask straight out. But she's quiet again. So finally, I do ask.
"Are you pregnant, Melissa?"
"How did you know?"
Oh. My. Gosh.
"You are?"
"Who told you? Was it Emily? We ran into each other at the mall and I think she was looking at my stomach, I mean I wasn't showing too much, I'm only four months but she was suspicious..."
"Mel, no one told me. I just... I don't know. Had a feeling."
"Well... yeah... I am..."
I can't think of anything to say.
"Are you going to come home now?" She asks hopefully.
"No." I tell her straight out. "Not until the end of the summer. I'm staying here.. I have to take care of Aria..."
"What's wrong with her?"
I look down at the bed sheets and sigh. "Well, a lot. But her biggest problem is that I've been a cruddy friend. And I need to be there for her..."
"I admire that. But you can bring her back... I'm sure her family misses her. "
"I don't know. We'll see. But for now I need to go..."
"But we just started talking!" She replies.
"I know but..." I sigh. "It's only eight in the morning and I just found out a crud load of information. And I really need to pee."
She laughs real loud and I can practically see her throwing her head back. "I know the feeling. Okay. Call me tomorrow?"
I consider this. "Sure. Tomorrow afternoon okay?"
"That's perfect. I'm off of work all day so I'm available. But Spence?"
"Yeah?"
"I know you hate me, and I don't blame you. But if you have ultrasound pictures... Can I see them?"
I look to the framed picture on the dresser. I don't know why but I love looking at it, even if I don't feel all that connected to the baby at his point. I don't feel connected at all really unless I see the picture. I think I see this baby as more of a problem then a person. And I either need to A: Knock it off or B: Find a good family for him.
"Sure," I tell her. "As long as you send me yours."
"It's a deal."
"Take care, Melissa."
"You too. I love you Spencer."
I close my eyes and imagine the last time she ever truly said that to me. Like, not in an email, or not in a joking way, or a casual "Kay love you bye" way. But a REAL way. It was before mom died, I'm sure.
"I love you too." I tell her. We hang up and I'm trying to decide between going back to sleep and going to find Aria and make up with her. I'm on a roll. I might as well. After going to the bathroom, I go into Aria's room. She's still sound asleep. So I climb into her bed, and wait until her eyes open. But before they do, mine close and I fall back asleep, then wake up to a scream. At first I think it's Aria, but when I spring up I see her just as surprised as me, staring at the door. The scream came from Emily, who just came out of the bathroom with a towel around her. I have no idea when she or when Hanna - Who's sitting at the desk with her mouth wide open - got here. I suppose they were in here waiting for Aria and I to wake up, but a surprise visitor woke us up for them.
"Alison?!"
