Sanky Panky Pirate BOOK PREVIEW

Pickup Line 4: Do ya mind if the parrot watches?

Pickup Line 4:

Do ye mind if the parrot watches?

I woke up in ONNOS bar, butt-naked with the word ‘fool’ written on my forehead…although I didn’t know that right away. I groaned, stretched and realized I was naked first…

I looked around and saw my fellow dominicans waking up, and noticed they were all buck-naked too, and that they had something written on their foreheads. Someone it seemed had hornswaggled all of us.

“Lady Blanca?!” I looked around the bar for any sign of the proper lady, worried for her safety in a bar filled with drunken naked men. But Blanca was nowhere to be seen. Worry quickly shifted to suspicion.

Moreno was having a cup of coffee at the bar, still naked, but not seeming to give a damn. “She’s not here, amigo.” He said without turning around to look at me.

“What?” I snapped and began to rub my temples. “Well, then where the hell is she?”

I searched for her too…and our clothes. Both are gone like the wind, mi amigo.” Moreno was trying to use a profound tone of voice.

“You guys don’t think she’s responsible for this do you?” Amano was giving us an incredulous look. “That would be crazy. Blanca is the epitome of the perfect lady.”

I thought back to the Lady Blanca’s strange, contradictory behavior. Was it possible for her to do something like this? I didn’t know. I didn’t know the Lady Blanca well enough. I looked at the word ‘fool’ on Amano and Moreno’s foreheads but since it was written in English I didn’t know what it meant. “What’s written on your foreheads?”

“Yours too.” Amano informed me as he held up a frying pan so I could see my reflection in the metal surface like a mirror.

“Shit.” I swore and spit into my hand and began to rub vigorously at my forehead.

“It won’t come off like that – it’s permanent ink.” Moreno informed me. He took a sip of his coffee. “It means ‘fool’.” He calmly told me what the English word meant.

Fool? I raised my eyebrow at Moreno since he was taking this so well. “You’re sure taking all this in stride, Moreno.” I could feel my own temper beginning to boil.

…But if Blanca had stripped us all down and written the word ‘fool’ on our foreheads that meant that she was NO lady.

“This isn’t the first time I’ve woken up naked, with my clothes no where to be found, and with the word ‘fool’ or something similar written on my forehead. This was definitely the work of a woman.” He informed me knowingly.

“You’re kidding right? Women…do things like this?” I couldn’t believe it. My mother would never do something like this…

“Well, if you’ve wronged a woman somehow or in her mind you have wronged her then…yes she will do crazy things like this.” Moreno explained.

“Done something wrong?” I thought back on my treatment of Blanca. Had I somehow mistreated or offended her? Ha, I’d been the perfect gentleman, the perfect, obedient butler. So it couldn’t have been me…grrrrr…if Blanca did do this she was going to pay – perhaps in a similar fashion. A leer formed on my face as I thought about stripping Blanca down and writing ‘chica mala’ ‘bad girl’ on her forehead.

“Hornswaggled! Hornswaggled! Hornswaggled!” My parrot Don Juan squawked. 

The village drunk was the only one with his clothes still on. “What the hell, old man,” I growled, “How come you still have your clothes!”