Ernie's Lifestory

Chapter 1- In the Begining, There was Death...

Once upon a time in a galaxy very, very close, in fact, one and the same as earth’s galaxy, lived Ernie. Ernie was a small, emotionless stick person. He lived in a small shack beside the town landfill. One day, Ernie was taking his hourly walk along the electric fence, when he came across the motionless body of his twin. His twin was evidently DEAD!!! Ernie was sad about his dead twin but at the same time he felt better that he was dead.  Ernie decided to carry the dead body into the landfill and dump it roughly on top of a giant spike. The body was left to rot and everyone who went to the landfill saw his body. They were scared but felt better now that he was dead.

      Minutes after, Ernie decided he needed a stunt double to make him look awesome. He went to the closest cloning store and bought himself as a stunt double. He used his new stunt double to do stunts in public to make himself cool. Eventually, the people enlarged his ego sooo much that his head became larger than the landfill. It became so large that he began to float above the landfill and the city of GiPh.d, like a hot air balloon.

Suddenly, there was a big gust of wind and it blew him nowhere because his shirt got caught by his favorite electric fence. His last thought was how horrible it was that he came to the same fate as his twin, death. He seemed to the world like he was DEAD, but, he had, when he was young, been blessed by the god, Thor. This meant that he was immune to electric shocks so he just picked himself up off the ground and continued walking around the landfill. Fortunately, his affair with the fence had burst head so he wasn’t floating anymore. However, since his head exploded, his brain had been relocated to his torso. He felt the top of his head but it wasn’t there anymore. He tried to scream but he couldn’t. He raised his hand to see if he still had a mouth, but he couldn’t find it. Then he realized that he felt the wrong spot and was relieved that it was still there.

      He then went into the town to see what was new on the grocery store. He walked in and began searching for his favorite food of all time- Tuna. He went up and down every aisle, but he couldn’t find it. Ernie got so upset that he couldn’t find his beloved tuna that he went on a rampage, destroying all the other foods that contained fish. Then he walked up to the clerk and yelled at him in the face and tried to slap him but missed the clerks face and slapped his own. His cheek began to swell up so he left to go to the hospital.

      The hospital people made him wait in a waiting room for hours and hours and hours, so long in fact that he went crazy. He went into another rampage and went up to the receptionist and yelled at her really loud in the face and tried to slap her but missed her face and slapped his own. He was immediately admitted to the mental ward of the hospital and put intoh  a straitjacket. He went even more insane but he couldn’t get out and then he stopped breathing. The nurses were immediately notified and started to try to get him to breathe again. They tried and they tried but they couldn’t get him to breathe again so they resorted to their last option-to take him out of the straitjacket. They carefully removed the straight jacket but the second that they did, Ernie started to breathe again and ran away from the hospital and into City Hall. The mayor saw him and was so pleased to see him that he invites Ernie to tea, and that made Ernie come to his own senses again.