Her

Chapter 3

~Marshall's P.O.V.~

By the time it was time to leave Lola was practically begging to stay over at Rose's. She hardly ever sees her so I understand even though I feel like I've barely spent any time with my own daughter. I figured that after the conversation Thatcher and I had some time with Rachel couldn't hurt. I have an idea, something that might be good for us.
My hand tightens on the steering wheel. We've only been in the car a couple minutes and I already feel tense. She hasn't said a word to me since we left and I'm trying not to take it personally. I glance to my right and see her hand resting on the center console. Hesitantly, I reach over and lace my fingers with hers. She looks at my hand and squeezes it once before releasing me and putting her hands in her lap.
I feel a spike of pain in my heart and I'm reminded all over again how hard this is.

"Where are we going?" She asks me, realizing that we're not going home.

"You'll see." I tell her. "I want to take you somewhere."

"Marshall I don't want to go anywhere." She says with pain in her voice. "Please I'm tired."

"Trust me." I say, placing my hand on her thigh. "Everything is going to be okay."

***

We walk up the familiar steps together, this place hasn't changed a bit. I find it incredibly difficult to read Rachel's expression. She's been quiet the entire time but I chalk it up to being a part of whatever it is she's going through. We finally get to the third floor and I pull out my old key, twisting it in the lock. The door opens, and there still stands my old place as though nothing's changed. I take Rachel's hand and guide her inside. So many memories of us were made in here and I'm hoping it will help her.

"Why are we here Marshall?" She asks me quietly, looking at the floor.

"I don't know, I thought maybe it'd do us some good to remember who we were before everything." I say, feeling the tension.

"Before you got famous." She says under her breath.

"No." I say gently. "I meant when we got married. You were happy."

"Yeah."

I walk over to her and pull her against me by the waist. My other hand falls to her cheek, tilting her face up to look at me. She closes her eyes and takes a couple deep breaths before opening them again.

"I know you're hurting." I tell her, resting my forehead on hers. "I don't know why, but I want you to know that I'm here. I'm not going anywhere baby."

I rub the tip of my nose on hers gently and hold my lips an inch or two away from hers. She hasn't showed much of an interest in me over the past couple weeks and I don't know how much she wants from me.

"Marshall-"

"Tell me how to make it better." I whisper to her, slowly rubbing her back. "Please baby, I love you I want you to be happy."

"I don't know..."

The tone of her voice might as well be a meat grinder against my heart. It hadn't hit me before, this reminds me too much of my panic attacks. Except she's not panicking, she's feeling the emotions but instead of freaking out she's shutting down. I pull away for a second so I can look at her. She looks sad and it makes me want to die. I hate seeing her like this.

"Talk to me." I tell her, pulling her against my chest and engulfing her in my protected embrace.

"I just feel different." She says softly into my chest.