Diaries of the Thick Girl Committee

Tracy 7: Oblivion

This is a chapter where Tracy's real insecurities come in to play. You guys are going to so so so so hate me for it (I kinda hate myself)... BUT... I'm not sorry.

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Conversations with him were so light. He spoke with ease and charm. Every word that fell from his lips, clung to every nerve in my body. His light accent made everything seem so saccharine. He might as well inject diabetes right in my system.

“But why build one across from a park, though? Aren't there better fit locations?” I asked scrunching my brows.

His tongue swiped his lower lip as he finished his Shirley Temple. I never thought he was the one for fruity, sugary drinks, but he never fails to surprise me.

I suppress my unlady-like thoughts and focused on the first inanimate object I see - the jukebox behind his head. Anything to keep me from acknowledging the feelings in my stomach and lower.

“Well the company has a child care program.”

“Child care program?” I questioned.

“Yes. I cherish my employees, Tracy. With out them, I really wouldn't have much would I? Though, it's not about giving back but the opportunities. Everyone deserves the opportunity to make something out of themselves regardless of their matters. Children are one of those matters.”

There was a glint in his eyes and I silently gulped. Why did I feel as if the room shifted? It felt like we were no longer talking about his business but something personal. Much, much personal.

Not him too.

I honestly didn't feel like being preached to. Especially not by him. I already feel intimidated by his presence and patent prosperity. I can clearly see how successful he is and compared to me, he was the almighty being. Being next to him pretty much made me ignoble, and it almost made me shameful.

I bite my lip at his words as they run through my mind. All of a sudden I was no longer in the mood for experience.

“Right.” I cleared my throat.

A light breathing sound filled the air and all my tension fell. Looking across the table, Maleek is leaning against Marcus. His eyes shut and mouth gaped. It was a Kodak moment. Just his little body leaning against a massive structure was adorable.

“I think he's tired out.” Marcus spoke with a light smile.

Flashing him a grin, I nod my head in agreement.

“Yea. Meeting your favorite person in the whole world can wear you out.”

“Maybe second favorite.” He corrected. I rose my brow at his words. “You don't see it, do you?” he asked.

“See what?”

And here comes the confusing man I know.

“The way he looks at you. He really looks up to you, Tracy. Every time he looks at you, his face is full of pride. He really thinks you're the best mom ever.”

I shift in my seat and glimpse at the sleeping boy. Maleek wouldn't look up to me. There are so many people, successful people, who have accomplished way more than I ever can. I can't see that happening.

Or you don't want to.

Why wouldn't I want to?

Because you fear he will end up like you. You feel as if he would mirror your mistakes.

I shiver at my sub-conscience.

“No.” I frowned. “I don't see it.”

He smiled and flashed his pearly whites.