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Chapter 5 - Lucid Dreaming (Reflection)

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Elias

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Elias

I saw you standing in the headlights.

I swear it was you, 'cause I spotted that sideways smile, the one I'd throw my life away to chase. The one you'll never give me again.

If I died tonight, would that make us even?

I've been dying to settle the score, but life won't let me, babe. I need it to let me. 

I need you to let me.

I need you.

I'm losing it on my own. Can you tell? Bet you can. You always knew when I was bullshitting. I've been around so many girls who believe whatever I say or put up with whatever I do, and that's how I know none of them are worth it. 

You wouldn't let me get away with anything.

No fronts. No lies. No nonsense.

You made it so easy for me to be someone better. But things have been hard lately—harder than I'm ready to handle, and all I wanna do is drop everything and follow you. You'd hate me for that. You'd hate me for quitting 'cause you never quit anything.

Do you remember how bad you were at sports? A full-time bench warmer in softball no matter how hard you trained for tryouts. But you didn't need to start to feel special, and that's what made you special. The team knew it, and I knew it.

God, I liked you so much back then.

I started showing up at games just to watch you because you put 100% into supporting everybody else. I remember your best days, the day you played for the first time, hit your first triple, and won your first game for our school. That's when I saw that smile.

That's when I fell for you.

You didn't even know I was watching. But if you'd quit at the start of the season, I never would've seen that smile. I'm glad I did.

I miss the hell out of you, Lacey. You don't know how badly I wanna be where you are these days.

But my body won't let me go. Tanner won't let me go. Caleigh won't let me go. Nobody will let me go.

Listen.

Do you hear that?

The sound of the hospital bells and beeps breaking the bad news that my heart's still beating. Shit, it's still beating. But I'd stop it if you asked me to. So, ask me to. I'll be waiting on the word.

But you wouldn't let me down that easy. Don't worry, the world's forcing me to stay.

I feel it pulling. Gravity sucks.

It'll drag me away from you like it always does. But I'll be back, maybe sooner than you think because I'm tired of waking up to a world without you.

I'm sorry I made this a world without you.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

God, I'm so sorry. 


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