Maria’s Travels – D.e.e.L Copyright 2012
' “Hey has anyone seen Maria?”
“Nope.”
' “Nah.”
' “Who? You mean Mara?”
“Hmmm…I wonder where she went…”
“I know where she went!”
“Where Dan? By the way…you look totally handsome right now…”
“Aw, Thanks Lance, you’re nice.”
“So where did she go?”
“Well…she’s trapped inside the envelope that was given to Taylor for her sweet 16 birthday party that was just not too long ago before this day we are currently in within this moment of standing here and being within this current moment that was stolen by the mysterious man with the green tie that was actually orange that was actually Hank, so of course she isn’t too happy right now because all she can possibly do within the envelope is walk to the right and see nothing there, so then she most likely probably walks to the left to see nothing there, and so then I’m guessing she walks back to the right and finds nothing there, which would surely lead her to having an incredible desire for seeing what could possibly be over on the left side of the envelope…but when she walks over to the left side…she finds nothing there!”
“Dan…is there a point to this story?”
“Whoa…like, whoa. Did you just interrupt me? This doesn’t happen during my stories, please take a seat and bask within the coherently incoherence that is the amazing stories I speak out loud with my voice that comes out of my mouth when I open it in order to make noises in a manner to which is not just me saying ‘lagooogaaadeeeee’, because that would just be ridiculous, unless it was one of you saying it as a character in one of my stories, which would just make you seem ridiculous, even though I technically said that you said it.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Soo…anywhere, she is trapped within the envelope that is currently within this second of this moment that is happening right now inside Hank’s left pocket that is located around the region that I don’t feel comfortable saying out loud (pssst…it’s his booby region…ssshhh) , so I will not and refuse to say it out loud and you will probably never know what I meant unless you at some point within your time walking around this world have worn a shirt with a pocket on your pectoral-breast region, Damn!
“You said breast!”
“Shut up Stinky!”
“…you did…”
“Don’t make me take off your hat!”
“You wouldn’t!”
-And that Folks is called Foreshadowing-Stinky’s Hat- Coming soon.
“Ummm…Hank walks into his crappy apartment that isn’t very nice looking and could use a women’s touch/needs lots of cleaning and he sets the envelope holding Maria inside on top of the dresser in which he doesn’t use for clothes because he uses it for his grenade collection and he walks into the wall in order to get to his bathroom in which he will most likely do things that I won’t write about and ‘oh my goodness!’ a flying dolphin just came through the window that was left open by Hank earlier in the day and grabbed the envelope in its mouthy thing that might be called mouth, but I don’t feel like checking or looking or finding it up on the internet, so I’m calling it that thing that looks like a mouth.
Maria flies around about the air, wings soaring, the landscape passing by and looking as if a dream of some creative genius named my name and also totally handsome. The mountains Maria passes bye are of a bright blue, the rivers a door-hinge orange, and the grass a very extremely dull green color, but Maria is in an envelope, so she doesn’t see any of this, but it’s totally outside the boring envelope that is being held by a flying dolphin within his thing that looks like a mouth.
The flying dolphin lands on top of a thing that resembles a mountain, but is actually just a really big hill and sets the envelope up in something that is off of the ground of the hill top.
Maria sits inside the envelope, angry that a story with her name in the title hasn’t had much too actually do with her at all yet.
All of a sudden from the clouds slightly above the high hill top a hero falls from the clouds that I just previously mentioned out loud (Were you reading?). Mr. Whiskers falls from the clouds and lands on top of the high hill holding a wire whisk in each of his hands. He spins them in the air and cries out his battle cry “Why are there pickles in my pop?!”. He then jumps off of the high hill after having grabbed the envelope with Maria inside that was given to Taylor by Blue Spaghetti.
With a curios look on his face he decides it a good time to say something else out loud that isn’t his battle cry.
“I’m curious as to what is in this envelope.”
He opens the envelope and Maria flops out of it ungracefully and falls to the ground.
“Why did you open the envelope? I was about to find out what was on the left side!”
“I’m sorry!”
He pulls the envelope over Maria and traps her within it once more. She is much happier now.
“Hey! Mr. Whiskers!”
“So…we meet again…Hank.”
“We met before?”
“I think. Weren’t you at my sister’s wedding?”
“No, some chick blew my van up. I couldn’t make it.”
“Oh, well this is awkward then…”
“Yea…”
Just as they were in the postdicament of their dicament the flying dolphin swooped down from the sky above them and down towards where they were located down below.
“Kee kee keee keee!”
“What?”
“Yea, what was that?”
“Kee kee keeeeeee!”
The flying dolphin speeds into the gut of Mr. Whiskers and causes him to spit out his gum which lands in Hank’s hair and causes Hank to launch the rocket from the rocket launcher he is holding which causes him to freak out and drop the launcher just as the rocket hits the flying dolphin and doesn’t explode and drops to the ground and hits Mr. Whiskers left foot right after he dropped the whisk from his left hand because he wanted to grab his gum from Hank’s hair except Hank was right about to hold his left foot because the launcher fell on it so Mr. Whiskers whiffed the air as he went to grab his gum because Hank was bending down to give his toe a kiss to make it feel all better just when the flying dolphin decided to leave because he can’t keep up with what’s going on.
“Soo, anyway. Hi, I’m Hank.”
“Can I have my gum back?”
“May I please have that envelope?”
“Oh, yea sure.”
“Thank you.”
