November 16th 2001
7:30AM
I'm so over this school year already. I hate this school, I miss Moriah, and Donault hasn't returned any of my calls or text. I can't believe this is how my freshman year of high is going and it's not even half way over yet. I feel so awkward at my school it's like I don't fit in anywhere. I'm not exactly trying to fit in anywhere but it would be nice to have some friends, someone to talk to, eat lunch with, something. I've always struggled with social anxiety and being at this school isn't helping. Moriah and I text all day everyday but it's nothing like having my best friend here with me. And with Donault acting funny I'm just feeling really alone. I can't seem to piece together how this summer was so amazing and now everything is as if it were all a dream of mine. When school first started you know everyone ask how your summer was and what you did. I told a few of the girls that Donault and I had gotten really close and we were really feeling each other. The looks on their faces told me they thought I was lying or they'd already been told something different. I didn't put too much thought into it because frankly I didn't care what anybody thought. See a lot of females in my city liked Donault. He was kinda "the man" at the time. He was tall, and handsome with the body of a Greek God and the complexion of an African King. His skin was as perfect as a baby, big deep dimples, and the biggest brightest smile I've ever seen. Braces and all. I hate the fact that he gang bangs but it's that thug in that attracts me to him more. When I'm with him I feel safe, he makes me feel special in the fact that his phones blowing up with females calling yet he boo'd up with lil ol me. He calls me his ride or die, he trust me with his shit and around his boys. He makes me feel like a woman. And I know I'm only 14 but I swear I love him and I want to be with him forever. But now that he's like what we had this summer meant nothing to him I regret every day letting him into my flower bed. Had I known he would treat me like this after giving myself to him anytime he wanted I would have never allowed him to touch me. Thinking back there would be times I didn't hear from him for days then he'd call saying "I need you." and I go running with no hesitation. And by he needed me he meant he needed sex. I just can't figure out why he isn't calling. Especially because I have something so important to tell him. Something I have been afraid to tell anyone but I need to tell him, I have to tell him. I just don't know how he will react.
Shonda walked through her house to the kitchen, where she lived with her adopted brother, mom and grandma. Her grandma sitting on the couch watching the news. As Shonda walked back to her room with her plate of leftover chicken alfredo from the night before she stopped and her heart dropped.
"14 year old Donault Pilar was arrested earlier today and charged with attempted murder for a stabbing that happened last week in Detroit, MI. No further information has been released." The news reported stated.
"Isn't that your little friend?" Shonda's grandma asked taking a drink of her Blue Raspberry MD 2020.
Standing there in shock she faintly replied "Yeah." and walked back to her room where she dropped heavy salty tears picking up her pen and journal.
Is this what he's been doing? Going around tryna kill people? Is this why he hasn't reached out to me? Because he knows he out here doing bullshit and he don't wanna hear my mouth? What was he thinking? Why would he do this?
The next day Shonda woke up with her pen in hand and journal on her face that was itchy from dried tears. Immediately she began reaching out to DU, Tre and Ant to get any information on Donault. Tre hadn't heard anything and advised her the second he does he would call her. DU was waiting for Donault to reach out to him so that he could know what was going on because his mom wasn't returning DU's calls. And Ant wasn't returning Shonda's. Ant had been trying to get at Shonda and was upset at her rejecting him for Donault. As weeks went by and no new information had been given she began to panic. She had written Donault a six page letter explaining her feelings for him, how she felt that summer, and how he neglecting her when school started affected her. It wasn't long after that DU finally sent Shonda the address to where she could send her letter.
