A thousand words in silence

PROLOGUE

I've always loved sunsets, not only because of its beauty as the colors change, signifying the end of the day and the start of night, but more so of the peace it evokes in me. Let go as the sun sets, the night shall cover any pain and heal you. Tomorrow will be a new day.

As I stare at the sun set this time, I know that tomorrow, at the break of dawn, I will have a new life. I will for the sun to stay, or the night to last longer, anything that would allow me to claim the last few moments of today.

I look ahead and see the horizon slowly fading in the distance.

CHAPTER 1

"Will you marry me?"

I saw him kneeling on one knee, his hand outstretched, holding a little red box. I didn't need to look closely to see what's inside it, I've watched too many movies to know what it means.

I've dreamt of this moment all my life and I knew that I should say "YES". I've played this scene over and over in my head - from a child wishing to be a princess to be saved by my prince, to falling in and out of love and having my heart broken in a million pieces waiting for "THE One".

Say "YES" my inner voice tells me, but as the moments pass by with him still holding his position, my voice fails me. Cold sweat envelope me. I stood there, how long has it been? 10 seconds? 1 minute? I'm not sure anymore.

I look at the people around me - all of them smiling, cheering, or crying - all full of happiness.

This moment feels like a sliding door in my life, go forward, and you plunge into a new future of potential happiness or dismay. Step back, and you may suffer in silence holding on to "what if's" and "what could have been". In that moment I saw my life flashback and fastforward at the same time in my head.

Say "YES"

Say "YES"

I looked at him, and just as I was about to accept the proposal, I felt a strong tug in my heart. It's the feeling one gets just before jumping off the sky dive platform, that feeling of utter surrender and yet fear. When all you could feel is the wind blowing your entire being, and as you make that leap, you just hope that the parachute would catch you in the end. That feeling of wanting to let go and yet holding on to the last knot of the rope.

Please say "NO". I felt it straight to my core, although no words were actually spoken, my heart could not deny what I felt. I looked around quickly, scanning the room, and I saw her smiling like everyone else, but with a dimness in her eyes.

I closed my eyes, tried to blink away the tears slowly building in them. When I opened it, she was gone.

Gretchen. I screamed in silence.

Say "YES"...

CHAPTER 2

2008

I'm finally starting college this year. I was lucky enough to get a full scholarship from my dream school, Ateneo, as a student-athlete for volleyball.

It's June 15, 2008 and classes officially starts in 2 days when I will join thousands of freshmen of Ateneo batch 2012. It has been less than an hour since my parents have left after helping me move into my new dorm at Eliazo Hall. As an athlete, we are required to stay at the dorm so as to make sure that we would be able to participate in the daily morning training sessions.

I'm not really sure if I'm excited or scared about being independent, considering that I have been so sheltered during my high schools days at St. Scho Manila. It was always home, school, training, home. No parties, no boyfriends, no distractions basically.