To Love and Want

oh my sweet

(Google docs likes to Fuck with me )

It’s been months since Evan’s arrived. He’s heard everyone’s oh so sad back stories and has gotten close with a few of the house mates like Brian and Tim. New members arrive each other week it seems and Toby is ever so eager to help them get used to the way they live.

Evan doesn’t understand it really. Why he’s so happy to help. Maybe because he’s ninety percent sociopath, and only uses people for his benefit. He did however; seem to feel one true emotion other than fleeting attention. That was adoration for Toby.

Usually, like most sociopaths, he’s bored, and always wanting to get a thrill! Chase that high and get death to shake his hand like their best friends. But just seeing Toby smile seems to do that for him. He loves Toby as much as he loves himself, and he’s quite the narcissist.

Oh how he loved his chocolate eyes that lit up when he laughed. Or those pearly white teeth that flashed when he smiled, or how about when he always waltzed around in that damned hoodie and blue jeans tighter than leather? Talk about a tease!

But Evan also felt another emotion he hasn’t felt, well, really ever. It’s One that twists his gut when he thinks about Toby falling for someone else, or when he imagines himself not being good enough. He believes it’s called fear. He sees it now, why Toby is helping Jeff and the other new kids out. They’re scared they won’t fit in as much. And Evan is scared Toby doesn’t love him back.

But he has too. He has too! Can’t he see? They’re meant to be together! Their souls forever intertwined!  Well, it’s a shame really. If Toby won’t have eyes for Him, then he can’t have eyes at all.

What? What is he saying! Why suddenly blame toby? He shook his head, laying his mask down on the bedside table with a deep inhale, trying to calm his nerves. Maybe the new kids were taking him away. Yes, yes that’ s it! The new kids were stealing his heart! That’s the only explanation!  

Toby of course wouldn’t know any better, he loves helping! Tsk, he just doesn’t know when he’s helping filthy animals. No matter, he figured, he could just dispose of them one by one with the hopes of soon having Toby all to himself, in his arms, forever by his side. He’s waited long enough to strike. It’s time to make a move!

Oh how beautiful it would be when he would finally give in. Finally see that he and Evan were supposed to be one and love each other for eternity. Evan grit his teeth when he thought about being able to touch him, kiss him, TAINT him. How sweet destroying his innocence would be, to watch it burn away. But he didn’t want to hurt him, no no, he just needed Toby to learn his destiny, his true place, and that place was right next to evan, being his consort and lover until the sun died. Even then, he wouldn’t let him go.  

Why would he ever let go of his beloved? Maybe he was less of a sociopath and more of a psycho. It made sense. Though, he still had little remorse for others and actions he performed, so maybe he was a bit of both? It would explain why he felt such a fiery need to be close to Toby while such a nonchalant, near hatred for others. Toby was utterly driving him crazy. In the best of ways.

He couldn’t help the surge of anger that developed when he thought of him near anyone else. He wanted to carve out their eyes for even glancing in his direction! But how could he hate them? Toby was quite the site, he couldn’t blame the spectators for wanting special glances.

But they were perverted, He just knew it. What else could they want? Friendship? Oh please! That’s for children! They’re grown, and grown ups want grown up things. And that’s either violence or bed sheets if you catch his drift. Toby, as perfect as he is, needed to stop being so careless around those beasts! Those mongrels who wanted to defile him with their touches and thoughts!

Evan paused, and smirked. Well, what could they have left to defile if he got to toby first? He could easily swoon him. Make his heart beat with love and joy and then, when the time was right, he could pounce, and take what was rightfully his.

Of course he would wait for consent, he isn't an animal. Where’s the fun in making love if they’re screaming instead of moaning and crying in pain instead of bliss? He wanted Toby to forever remember who could bring him to heaven with just the slightest of touches. But christ above he had to wait! And that’s one of his many, many flaws- He isn’t a patient man.

He grunts and claws at the arm of the chair he was sitting in as he was in deep thought. Maybe he could wait, just this once, since this was something imperative to his life. He figured, if he took small steps at a time, he could get toby in no time. And possibly quicker than previously perceived.

“Oh my sweet Toby, I’m gonna get you”.