All the things They never said

Tell me how to live my life.

"Welcome, to the forever doomed life that is Skylar. I am she, She is me." I say to a room of roughly 30 people. "I'm sorry but why must i do this" i ask jeff, he says it's good for the heart to talk about part that make it hard to breathe. Funny how my new found stage fright doesn't seem to be a sufficient reason to get out of this bogus talk.

"Skylar, you know this is what you have to do to break the spell of sadness." Jeff says to me through clenched teeth. His arms tensed

I sigh, i know he's right.

but the only thing i can do is well sigh into a microphone attached to speakers, speakers that sit on the floor around 30 people,

I can do this. I can be the sum of all my mistakes and talk about it.... Can't I?

"So here's the thing about miss Skylar," a voice says. I know his voice out of a crowd of 3, 000 yet alone out of thirty, his means the most to me. My 3rd favorite voice of all time.

of course the first being John lennon and well my mothers.

Two people who died before i got to watch them grow up and change the world.

I mean John lennon would be old and wrinkly now , but i'm quite confident he would be influential.

and when i think about it John did make some contributions. He started as a nobody, and become so famous that when he was shot countries all around the world sent trees, and rocks , and marble and anything they could give to his memorial in central park.

He was also just a straight up sick guy.

I smiled slightly of the memory of the first time i heard his voice echo through my house. The music was spinning round and round for hours. I was waiting for it to speak to me or warm my heart. It didn't of course. I was waiting for something special and drastic to change my life like everyone said it would.never came. My mother however loved records.she loved the way it sounded in her head and her heart. she used to always tell me the best songs make your heart thump and head spin. she used to tell me that two minutes can change your life, that songs and words and lyrics can mean something, something bigger than all of us. boy was she right. she used to sing john and i guess paul as well around the house. Her voice made my heart swell and brain turn to mush. my limbs went weak at the sound of her perfect voice. in another world she was definitely a singer. can't say i got those genes.

Cameron campbell. That was the first boy i loved. well the first one i thought i loved. He grew faster than everyone. Im saying that this boy was a giant. he would tower amongst all of us , never reminding us of his height , but helping us get there. He would piggy back all the girls and carry us where-ever we would like to go. we acted as though he was our jungle gym. and then we turned 12. and i guess it's not appropriate to intertwin your body around a boy, a very cute one i must add.

he would wait for us to let go, wait for us to mature.

and when we turned 14 he finally told me how much he hated it. you know what did when he told me that?

thats right i jumped right on him.

but this time he was laughing. his totally hideous and not at all cute laugh that warms the heart of many girls. mine included. This time instead of allowing me to hang off of him like a sloth he started tickling , to which i dropped my legs and i fell on the floor scrambling trying to get away. But cameron being the kind of guy he is, grabbed on of my legs and started picking me up and swung me to his shoulders.

have i mentioned how cute his smile was?

but anyways Cameron used to jump on the table with me when my mother was vacuuming, and we would belch along with the records. Life was carefree then. i used to claim he was ringo because he was quite odd. he used to laugh and proceed to say i was george because george was talented and amazing but under appreciated.

Damn cameron always knew how to make an invisible girl feel seen.

But anyways, It was Cameron's voice that echoed through the auditorium . I could feel my heart pound. He walked up the aisle and joined me on stage. He was wearing a dark grey suit and had his hair dark brown hair perfectly stood up in a way that was attractive, not uncomfortably tall. He snapped his fingers and crossed one of his legs, and then out of nowhere music started playing.

Not just any music either.

He was playing my favorite band,

Our favorite.

We was spinning me endlessly and put me on his feet and was swooshing and swooping me across the stage. It was magic.

And then jeff came on stage.

Fricking jeff.

He grabbed Camerons bicep and began to tug at him. Cameron who was very unfazed didn't even notice. ANd i laughed. Louder and harder then i had ever done before. All my teeth exposed, hard laugh, pee my pants worthy laugh. I felt free with cameron.

The irony of this was the last time i was dancing with him like this,

I ended up punching him in the face hard.

He was bleeding,

And maybe shed a tear.

But more on that later.

Jeff pulled Cameron off of me and pulled him off stage. Both of undeniably in love with the commotion we caused. I was brought out of my perfect 2 minutes when a girl stood up and screamed " tell us how to live gosh !!".

That girl earned chuckles and a series of people screaming "yea, come on get on with it".

I stiffened and balled my fist. Actions i performed when nerves gor the best of me.

"So i guess here it is, the start of how i began living but equally breaking. Here's how not to live"

I took a breathe.

Here we go, you can do this Skylar.

Don't keep them waiting.