Don’t pretend you like a girl more than you do,
you will leave her with these thought in her head of
‘you and her’ and then change your mind,
leaving her questioning every small thing she ever did wrong,
It’s not fair.
By k-ayway.tumblr.com
***
I felt nothing. It's like .. losing idea why you live. Well, actually, no. From the beginning I knew it's a love story that was never meant to be. But my stupid heart kept the hope. He made my heart dumb. My mind was always okay, it knew that 'we' will never exist. It was all about my heart.
In my childhood I remember Christmas as happy holidays. One time it just changed. They never was happy again for me. I believe it happened in 2008, when I fell in love. Yeah, and I still am. I don't fall in love often, but when I do, I fall hard. So, this is it. But this Christmas .. I actually had this 'feeling' that something special is gonna happen. I really hoped this will be the time he actually says "yes". It would make so much sense, it could has made me happier than ever. But fate had other plans.
Fate .. destiny. It's for losers. Seriously. Because this Christmas he rejected me. And if before I had a real chance to be with him, then now .. it's gone. From now, I don't have this chance anymore. If being honest, I'm used to be rejected (I don't mean boys in this case, but live in general). But this time .. it was just too important for me. We are still friends, but .. there will always be these moments, when I'll just break because I'm gonna think again why 'we' didn't work out and stuff. Why? A lot of people would ask this. Yeah, true that, they will. The answer .. because it's never too easy to forget this one guy you actually really love(d). I still do love him. That's the problem. I'm not heart-broken because of rejection, but I'm just .. okay, let's face it, my dumb heart still hopes, although I want to get out of it. I want to forget him, get over it, him. I simply can't.
But this care .. is my problem, 'cause I care. He said his words, he don't have to think about it anymore. But I .. in my heart it will be forever. It remains in my heart forever. Just him.
***
He left, but I will never ever forget him.
