Dear Diary ||k.q||

January 1 2014

Dear Diary,

Today was, yet again, a living hell. I've written in this journal for 365 days and not once have I ever been happy. Everyday is the same old same old. Everyday I wear the same fake smile, I laugh the same fake laugh, I wear the same fake attitude, everything's fake... I though maybe just maybe writing in this journal would change the way I see things, but it hasn't changed anything. I mean yes I've been clean ever since I started writing this journal, which is a whole year, but that is only because I swore to my dearest Kellin that I would stop cutting the day of January first 2012. Ever since that day I started writing and I started acting like everything is alright, but everything's not. Right now I just broke that promise...I cut myself once, twice...ten times and it felt good. I felt so numb...so worthless, but as soon as I pressed the cold metal to my skin it all vanished. The worst part of it is that as soon as I stopped the emptiness, the numbness, and all the pain came back. I don't want to live my life being nothing but a big ball of pain...so I'm done living my life like that, well I'm done living my life in general. I cant hurt you anymore than I have...I cant fake my love for you more than I already am. Im just so done with living like that, so I give up. I give up on life, on you, on pain...I wrote this to say goodbye and to apologize for my failures. Goodbye my dearest Kellin Quinn, my loving sister Hannah Walls, my adoring friends Emma Mitchel and Lauren Potorf, my caring mother and father...goodbye. Don't miss me for I wont miss you. Don't cry, don't throw me a funeral, don't mourn for me, don't do anything...I am dead and you cant change that.

~Lily Walls

P.S.

Dear Diary,

Thanks for nothing....