One Way Love Lane

[one] I Needed More Synonyms For The Word Cry.

authors note: hi guys! its just me here trying to get over my major writing slump. this is a first draft and its probably gonna be a mess but it'll be my mess :') it's a bit of fun and self indulgence for myself, this story. enjoy! 

Katya

In my chest, it felt like someone had taken a dull swing at the area surrounding my heart with a metal baseball bat- leaving it bruised and aching. And my heart shattered and my eyes watered and I blinked and blinked. Believe it or not, this was the least painful time. This was just the ghost of a feeling.

I looked at him, my bleeding heart in my watery eyes.

But those green eyes, his. They smiled. And the beat of the song that was playing pulsated, loud and energetic, and I swear my heart almost healed itself just at the sight of him. 

I was so drunk.

I downed a shot, the alcohol burning through me, looking away with a wistful smile. I had yet to properly mourn about my wrangled heart. I had a feeling the more I drank, the closer I got. And when I finally got to that stage then I would be miserable. But pleased about it because a good drunken purge was what I needed.

This party? Officially sucked. It was just the worst.

His curly brown hair fell in his smiling eyes and for a moment, a brief flicker, he was just...

I felt warmth instead of heartache. And then the warm feeling, the melting in my stomach turned to sickness.

Right. Time for another shot. I thought.

There was this bitter sweetness that fell over the table as she approached me, Clair. "Want to come and dance with meeee?" she grinned and I felt like the sun was radiating off her skin, bouncing off on me and I almost choked as I tipped back some more clear liquid.

"I might just throw up on you." I replied, smiling back, forcing down the twinge of sadness, the fondness.

"Wanna dance with someone else? Maybe like, furiously make out with them too?" she suggested, nudging me gently with her shoulder and cocking a playful eyebrow up.

"Not in the mood." 

She frowned, scanning my small smile.

"Now go away. I'm on lethal drink mode. I've not drank for like four weeks, I need to get utterly steamed." I shooed her away and she headed over towards the green eyed Kit, screwing her face up and poking her tongue out at me over her shoulder.

"So mean," she pouted jokingly.

And his eyes brightened to see her and I knew he saw it too, that sun.

Their hands intertwined. And I knew that I had to really do it this time. Let him go.

I mean, I think I had let him go... a long time ago when my best friend told me that she felt like she would die every time his mouth parted and his lips itched upwards into that slapstick grin of his. And the world fell apart at my feet and I had to try stay as grounded as possible while the floor cracked beneath me and my smile faded from my lips. 

I watched Clair smile, round brown eyes twinkling. They had been officially, publicly together for about two weeks.

She looked very guarded about it all.

When she told me how she felt about Kit, it was a hesitant confession, like she was scared to admit it to herself.

And I was too late. I could have... I could have told him really and truly how I felt and maybe I could have been with him but I didn't. I couldn't. Not to her. How can you do that to your only actual friend?