Roy Harper/Arsenal Oneshots

I Didn't Sign Up For This? ... I Think?

Cait: This fic was originally written by memento-scribet but I had a had a pretty significant role in coming up with this wild ride. Permission was granted to post it on here. 

A/N: This fic is partially cait-writes-stuff's fault

"I cannot believe we are finally getting married." Dick said as he and Barbara waited for the clerk to bring the papers.

"I know, it seems like whenever we get close, something happens and we have to postpone." Barbara said with a sigh.

"Hey, nothing is going to happen this time. We are going to get married." Dick said with a smile.

"Excuse me, but there has been a problem. I am afraid I cannot issue a marriage certificate as you are already married." The clerk said.

"Wait, but neither of us has ever been married." Dick said, panicking sneaking into his voice.

"Well, a Dick Grayson with your exact social security number has a marriage certificate registered in Clark County, Nevada. I am afraid until you sort this out, I cannot issue you a certificate." The couple turned to go, but Barbara turned back. "Do you mind if we ask who he is married to?"

The clerk pulled the information back up and found the answer. "A Mr. Roy Harper?"

Dick and Barbara stood there in shock for several moments, before he pulled her out of the office. They didn't talk much about what had happened as neither of them could believe it. Dick dropped Barbara off at her apartment before heading back to his. He honestly was looking forward to the peace and quiet so he could try and figure out exactly what was going on.

He unlocked the door and swung it wide.

He was met with the sight of Koriand'r dancing around the room with headphones in and one of his t-shirts on.

Jason was sitting in the recliner with his glasses on, deeply absorbed in whatever he was reading.

And Roy.... was wearing a floral apron and reclining seductively on the table, waiting for him to walk in.

"Hey, honeybuns. Welcome home." Roy said, fluttering his eyelashes.

"What. The. Actual. Fuck." Dick said, still standing in the doorway.

"Now is that anyway to greet your happy little homemaker? I have dinner cooking." Roy said as he hopped down from the table.

"What are you guys even doing here?" Dick asked, looking around the room.

"I decided it was best if I came to live with my hubby." Roy said as he wrapped his arms around Dick's neck.

"We aren't married. We got drunk and signed some papers." Dick said as he pulled away from Roy's embrace. "Speaking of which, I need you to sign these." Dick pulled out the divorce papers and laid them on the table.

"And what exactly are those?" Roy asked, putting his hands on his hips.

"Annulment papers. I need you to sign them so I can marry Babs." Dick explained, holding out a pen.

"Um, I can't sign this." Roy said, moving past Dick to sit in one of the chairs.

"Why? It isn't like we are actually married. I bet you cannot even remember us actually signing anything." Dick said, his frustration beginning to show.

"Well, not that I want to sign those papers, hot stuff, but we haven't even talked alimony yet. How am I supposed to maintain my lifestyle without a steady income? You always were the breadwinner in this relationship." Roy said as he poured himself a glass of wine.