The Love Letter {Hyuga Hinata}

Chapter 3

It's positive. Somewhere outside of my mind I hear the click—click clickclick as the white stick in my hand falls to the tiled bathroom floor. I see darkness closing around me. I open my eyes wider and grip the sink to stabilize myself, but... I can't... I...

I feel like it has been seconds. I know I am lying on the floor. My head hurts, but I think I am okay. Slowly, I open my eyes. Slowly, I sit up.

It's still there, lying on the floor.

It's still there.

I feel a scream rising from my very core, and I claw and grab at my skin and my hair and my arms as though I could physically contain it. I must, especially since—

"Hinata?"

Especially since my father is at home.

"Are you okay in there?"

If it were just Neji—I'm not sure about Hanabi, she's too much of a daddy's girl—I probably would have just lost it. But I cannot. I must be strong for Father.

"I heard a loud noise. You didn't fall, did you?" He is concerned about me—his eldest daughter, but his least favorite child. How sweet. He even loves his nephew more than me. But I cannot blame Neji for that...

"No, Father!" I call out of the bathroom. "I'm fine."

"Good." He says, sounding satisfied.

I sigh, brushing my fingers through my long hair. I hear Father's footsteps echoing farther down the hall, and I check my facial expression to make sure that none of the servants will have an excuse to ask any questions. I step out of the bathroom, and since the servants take care of the trash, I have no fear that Father will find that in there. I am headed for my room, and even though I should not be worried, I try to be quiet as I walk down the hall. I round the corner into my room and a gasp pushes through my lungs when I nearly fall over my cousin on the threshold.

"Hinata." His voice is low and condescending.

"Neji..." I try to get past him, but he is blocking my way. Panic slowly bubbles up inside of me.

"What happened, Hinata?" his voice has become softer. He almost appears concerned.

But I cannot tell. I cannot tell. So I smile.

"Nothing. What do you mean?"

We go into my room. I sit on the edge of my bed and Neji tosses a fuzzy pillow off of a beanbag chair so that he may sit on that.

"Talk. I know what you've done with Naruto. I'm not going to judge, but you've been different ever since... Understandably, I suppose. You look especially pale, right now, as well."

I don't know if I should tell him... Honestly, I don't know if he should be trusted.

"Um..." I start. "I... don't know if I feel comfortable telling you..."

Neji looks away from me. Maybe he is hurt? Strangely, though, I cannot bring myself to care.

"I'm worried about you... Sakura and Tenten are worried as well. Even Ino has noticed something. Kiba is freaking out, and... Naruto has been giving himself a good beating. He feels awful about this. You have to know that there are people who care deeply for you... Hinata, Kiba is in love with you. Please realize this."

"I know, Neji!" I scream. This is not what I want to hear right now. It's not what I need to hear. Would they care for me if they knew? Naruto said he would support me, but... Really, if only he understood! I almost laugh. None of them really understand the situation I'm in. I gently place my hand on Neji's shoulder. I know he means well. "You'll know everything soon... But for now, please just leave. I need some time alone."

I sigh, closing my eyes. I remain on my bed when I hear the door shut. I do not move, and I feel as though it would almost be an effort to open my eyes.

There is a child inside of me. There is another living human being inside of my body. I cannot stop thinking this, because I cannot have this child. It is impossible. It would dishonor my family. It would dishonor me, as the first born and heir to my clan. It would remove me from the position of heir to my clan. It would dishonor my father, having raised me without the influence of a mother. Where, then, would that leave little Hanabi? She was no longer so little anymore. Would they taunt her, calling her "whore"? Would they try to solicit sex from her? She might never be able to marry because of me, let alone lead the clan with honor and pride. And then...

Naruto.

I open my eyes and slide off of my bed. I grab a pen and paper, and sit down at my desk. I know what I must do.