To whom it may concern:
It seems I'm done with people in general. I honestly don't know how to think of myself right now. I hate people, society, and what I see in their eyes. They're judging, despite their looks of indifference. Every time my sight crosses theirs, it seems like a hostile attack. But honestly, that's probably just me. It's such a contradictory to a lot of us. Many of us don't exactly like being bothered by people. We prefer to be isolated a majority of the time, and yet we yearn for attention. We want friends, not just family. We want peers who we can relate to, crack jokes, make each other's lives better and just a little bit easier to manage. I'm not sure if you're that type of person who is more social and outgoing than not, but don't tell me that isn't what you think of when you first hear the word, "friend".
What irks me most of all, however, is that friends aren't absolute. Those true friends that people find...they're so lucky. I feel like I can't find that in a person. I can't connect with someone on such a high emotional level that we can both willingly admit that we'd be willing to live or die for each other. In the end, while I don't have a lot of friendships of my own, I question those who have. A lot of times, I envy you. You, who live so close to me, talk to me, amd work wtih me. You've become what I wanted to be, and I've become a recluse. Every time I try, I feel like I'm just there. I'm not an obstacle nor something beneficial to those around me. I'm just there. I wonder if you have any idea what that feels like. You probably do. I mean, everyone has to have at least felt that feeling before. But in the end, what bothers me most of all is my inabilities compared to your abilities. I don't hate you. It's more of I wish you would help me. I wish you could just see that I'm struggling here to do what I can. I wish you'd lend a hand. But I guess life just isn't that easy.
