Knowing You're There

Chapter 6

I listened to more of Living Brighter on the ten minute ride home.  After having a slice of cold, leftover pizza for a snack, I retreated to the basement.  While I did consider Sarah my best friend, there would always be a special place in my heart for my dad’s high school drum set and our un-insulated basement, which I grew up pretending was either a stage or recording studio. 

I felt for the mallets where I left them on the folding chair and sat down. That day, like most other days, I had no idea what I was actually playing.  All the sounds just seemed to come together and make sense.  I could hit the drums as hard as I wanted—it wasn’t even like I needed to.  They never judged me. 

I played and played until Mom called me upstairs for dinner, Star never leaving my side.  Time didn’t matter in the basement.  There were summer days where I’d stay down there for eight hours or more. 

“I’m sure you’re hungry too, aren’t you?” I asked. 

Her tail waved back and forth over the cement floor.  I got up and walked forward with my hands out, being sure to watch for scattered boxes and Christmas decorations that I could’ve tripped over. 

                                                            *          *          *

The next morning, Mom dropped Star and I off as usual.  Like every other day, I went to my locker before meeting the girls and their boyfriends in the cafeteria.  In the ten minutes we had prior to the homeroom bell, somehow we could make decent conversation. 

That morning I wasn’t really interested in being the seventh wheel, so I took my time.  I unloaded my books one by one, organized them on the shelves, and rearranged some papers in one of my many disheveled folders.  I knew that the girls wouldn’t be too thrilled that I was a no-show for our morning talk session, but to my surprise, the stalling method worked.

At the end of the hallway, there were sneakers.  They were flat bottomed, the floppy laces tapping against them as the wearer walked closer.  Right when I heard them, they started to move faster.  I smiled and my heart started to flutter.  At first I wondered why, since he was just a friend, but I went with it anyway. 

“Well, look who decided to show up again,” I said. 

“It’s good to see you,” he said. 

Then, out of nowhere, he put his arms around me.  Even though I barely knew him and it was in the middle the school hallway, it didn’t feel that weird.  It almost felt normal.  I’d never been hugged by any other guy besides my Dad or Emmit, and this was nice change.  My chin leaned on his shoulder.  I could feel the cotton of his shirt, the not-so-scrawniness of his body.  He was much softer than I pictured. 

“What was that for?” I asked when we let go.  “Do you do that to everybody?” 

“Oh, all the time,” he said.  “I’ve just always been a lover of hugs.” 

Without even thinking, I just blurted out, “That’s good.  I really like hugging you.” 

A slapped my hand over my mouth.  Heat rushed into my cheeks.  Why did I say that?  That was when it hit me: Kurt had to be something special.  Did I like him, or was I just being awkward because he was a guy?  All these thoughts were swirling like a tornado in my head.  In those few seconds, I thought everything between him and I was ruined.