Let Yourself In

How can I do this? How can I move on when he was all I had to move on for? He's gone. And he's not coming back. I'm an idiot, why did I ever think he loved me. I was so caught up in his web of beautiful lies, I didn't look for the truth. Of course, I thought the lies were the truth. I wonder why no one looks at me anymore. It's as if I don't even exist at school anymore. I had two good and true friends; Emily and Alexis. But since December 12, 2013 no one has even noticed me. Not my family, the teachers at school, not my friends, not my enemies. No one.

I step into school with a swing of the heavy door. A group of my old friends stare at the door, looking at me as though I am transparent.

Morgan pipes up. "Sometimes I regret the things I said to her. Maybe if I would have been a better friend she'd still be here."

I look at her curiously.

"Are you talking about that Fish friend of yours?" Emma asks.

"Yeah. She always came in those doors..."

"Snap out of it." Gabby tacks on to the conversation.

"What time is it?" Morgan says, looking at her iPod screen. "I have to head to class."

"We still have ten minutes though!" Emma says, her eyes flashing with annoyance.

"Yeah but I need to be early. See you around." She walks away.

"Morgan?" I say, running after her.

She turns around looking for the source of the voice. She looks right at me for a split moment but looks away.

I stop following her, and she disappears into a crowd of eighth graders.

That's when I see him.

Hunter.

"Shit. Shit shit shit!" I quickly dodge into the stairwell, and take a breath. I don't think he saw me.

He turns the corner and begins walking up the stairwell. I freeze, even though he never acknowledged that I was there.

"Hunter!" I hiss. I need to talk to him.

He turns around for a moment.

And keeps walking.

"Hunter! Can I talk to yo-" I stop talking immediately. I can see scratch marks on his back through his T-shirt.

My mind flashes to when he made out with me in the hallway. His hands gliding across my hips and down my thighs, the gentle feeling of his hands on my ass and his hand coming up to my lower back. The next thing I know, we're tangled in each others grasp, and my nails dig into his back. The school bell rings and he jumps and lets go of me, and disappears into the doors. "Bye, Um...Text me."

"I will." He says as the doors close behind him. I begin to cry as he walks away.

My mind finally returns to reality. It's 7:45 a.m. I'm late for home room. I decide to stop in the bathroom and make sure my make up looks okay.

I step into the small bathroom and look in the mirror.

"Oh my god!" I scream in horror. My make up is not running down my face. Its blood running down my face. Blood pouring out of my eyes, I turn around to run out but then I notice the blood drops on the floor.

I cover my mouth and collapse on the floor.

Into the floor.

I sink down into the floor and scream for help. I'm helpless. No one can hear me. It's then that I realize why no one has talked to me.

I'm dead.

It all comes back like a rush.

The blades on the bathroom floor. The note on the table, two paragraphs long. Signed; Fish.

The forest floor, crawling with dead leafs and bugs from last fall. The green tree tops allowing for certain splashes of sunlight beneath my feet.

And the rope on the tree branch, a foldout chair beneath it.

And then the flash of light as I surrendered myself.

And welcomed myself to the gates of hell.