pseudo

V

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I didn't come up with a lie.

At least not a very good one.

So here I am in the park with my best friends, who are watching me more than my five year old sister on the playground with strangers.

"So my dad basically said he's a racist when it comes to dating," Carson says.

"Which sucks but that just means we going to have to date in secret," Libby says.

Hearing this story nearly a million times, I just nod in understanding.

Libby is black. Carson's white. All of us have known each other since first grade. And the chemistry between those two has always been there. No one can really deny it.

Except Carson's slightly racist dad.

The two have been going out since the beginning of junior year. Nearly a year later, and they're still telling me the same story.

"Guys, I know. I was there from the beginning," I say as Lily runs over to me.

"Emmy! Come push me on the swing!" she says as she jumps up and down in excitement.

"I got it, guys. You guys don't have to get up," I say as Lily pulls my arm.

They both nod. But they aren't going to sit there and just let me go. I know better. Libby and Carson are going to watch me from the bench.

"Emmy, why does Libby and Carson come to the playground and not play?" Lily ask as I push her.

"I don't know, Lil. Maybe they just like seeing you," I reply.

She lets out a giggle as she goes higher. Once she gets high enough, I tell Lily I'm stopping and stand further back as she reaches for the sky.

I'm so mesmerized by her swinging back and forth that I don't realize that someone's standing next to me.

"Howdy, Emery."

Startled, I jump backwards. Unfortunately, Lily swings back with full force and knocks me to the ground.

"Oh shit," I hear someone mumble. "I'm so sorry, Emery."

Suddenly, everything is blurry. Sounds are muffled and the voices around me are intertwined. The only thing I see is a hand waiting to help me.

I take the rough hand and say, "That's gonna leave a mark."

"Are you okay? I'm really sorry."

"Yeah. But I probably should head home," I say getting up.

And when I look up I see that it's him. I didn't realize he would show up. I also didn't realize he was the one who scared me.

With shock written all over my face, I say, "Oh. Hi, Andy."

He smiles apologetically.

"Hi, Emery. I'm sorry I scared you."

"It's not your fault. I'm a just a giant idiot for getting scared like that," I say rubbing my head.

He chuckles. "You're not an idiot. But hold still so I can make sure it's not too bad."

Andy closes the gap between us by taking a step forward. He's so close. Close enough for me to count his eyelashes.

As our breaths intertwine, he gently brushes back my hair, tucks it behind my ear, and it makes me forget the pain in my head; the people around me; where I'm supposed to be.

"Well, it's not bad," he jokes.

As we share a small chuckle, our eyes meet; freezing time even more.

His hazel eyes read something deep. You can see how genuine Andy is from his eyes, but, at the same time, a secret is stashed away behind them.

And staring into his eyes, I begin to wonder if he can tell that I'm hiding things behind my eyes, too.

I open my mouth to ask, but a voice wrecks the chance.

"Emery, are you okay?"

At that moment, I can't tell if it was Libby, Carson, or both of them. But I know it's them coming towards us.

"Yeah. Andy says I'm fine, so don't worry too much," I say.

"Maybe some ice," Andy chimes in.

Confusion is written on the couple's faces.

"Sorry. Andy is someone I met at that birthday party that I took Lily to," I lie.

Before anyone can say anything, Lily cries, "Emmy! Emmy!"

She tugs on my arm; a signal for me to bend down.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" she asks. Her voice is laced with worry and innocence. Her eyes are wide with fear.

I smile. "I'm fine, Lily. Just need to go home now."

"Car?" Libby asks.

"Car," I confirm.

"I should probably head back to my uncle's," Andy says, "Seems like I've done enough."

He tries to walk away, but I stand up and grab his tanned arm.

"No. You haven't done anything. Come with us," I say.

I know Libby and Carson are weary. They don't know who Andy is. Hell, I barely know who Andy is. But they're polite enough not to argue in front of him.

Lily, on the other hand, is excited for a new friend.

"Hi! I'm Lily. I'm Emmy's sister," she chirps.

"Hi, Lily. I'm Andy, Emery's . . ." He trails off to look at me to see if I've changed my mind.

I shake my head.

"Friend," he finishes.

"Boyfriend?" Lily asks; her eyes shine brightly.

Andy chuckles. He bends down and whispers something in her ear which causes her to giggle.

"Alright, you two. We're leaving," I say, grabbing Lily's hand.

As all of us are walking towards Libby's car, she catches my eye and gives me a look that says When were you going to tell me?

I shrug. And I hope my eyes don't read what I'm thinking.

Maybe never.

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