It was a rainy day in June. I'd just ran to the nearest graveyard bench as tears splashed into the puddles around me. "Stop! Please!", I heard him call after me as I flopped on to the bench, lighting a cigarette. He finally caught up minutes later. Still panting heavily, he took a seat next to me and attempted to get his breath back. "What do you want now? I'm not going back. No one can force me! I'm fucking sick of this", I screamed at him in a whisper. He took my hands carefully and ruffled my hair. He knew I hated that shit.
"No ones gonna force you to do anything. They're just worried about you", he said softly with a hint of sorrow. I glared at him. "Really? So that's why they called the fucking paramedics! I don't have a fucking problem. I'm absolutely fine", I yelled out, choking up as tears were threatening to show again. He grabbed my corset top and pulled it up, revealing my ribs. "They are poking out way too much", he started, then wrapped his index finger and thumb round my wrist. "See how far my index finger has gone round my thumb?", then he pulled out Death's lead, putting the handle up my thigh until it was impossie to push it up any further. "That, is not healthy", he stated before handing me a McDonalds happy meal. "If you don't have a problem then eat all this", at this I felt severely sick and revolted. I took the box off him and opened it slowly. "Jimmy, you can stop fucking staring at me. Fuck sake", I mumbled but he carried on staring. "So you can eat half then pocket the other? Don't think so. Now eat".
In case you're confused, I'm Tracy. I'm a self harming anorexic and I'm dating the drummer of the school's metal band. We were in the same classes in school, he was 15 and I was 14, we'd had been together since my birthday last month. I was refusing to go to the hospital to recover as I bailed the doctor's surgery on diagnosis. Jimmy didn't know about my self harm as I was always wearing my leather biker jacket. His friends hated me coz they said when he introduced us, and I quote, 'so you're the attention seeking twig Jimmy's been hurt by'. S'pose they have every right since I'm a waste of space and hated by everyone.
"I've eaten everything accept the burger, can I please stop now?", I begged him. He sighed heavily and grabbed the burger. "Yes, I'm proud of you", he chirped as he kissed my forehead then took a bite of the burger. When he finished, he took my hand and lead me out the graveyard. I was about to question where we were going but he started talking. "Hey, Rachel? Yeah, yeah, she's with me. She had a happy meal. I'm so proud of her! All she left was the burger, she had chips, fish fingers and a chocolate muffin", he smiled. I couldn't believe my mum rang him! I was so livid I shook his arm off me violently. He said his excuses then hung up. "Do you really blame her Trace? You bolted before she could say anything", he pointed out. I remained silent until I unlocked the front door and booted it. Jimmy went through to the kitchen and got us both a drink. He met me in the living room and handed me the monster khaos as he took a sip of his coke. My mum walked in and sat the other side of me.
"Tell me why Trace", my mum asked as she lit up her B&H gold cigarette. Since they wanna know so bad I'll tell them. "You really wanna know then I'll tell ya! I'm sick of dad saying I'm fat whenever I eat! I'm sick of the boys at school in every class laughing at my fat jiggly arse, the girls telling me to lay off the rolls, IM SICK OF IT ALL!", I screeched so high pitched they couldn't even register that I'd gone until the front door slammed. Now to burn that junk Jimmy made me eat half hour ago.
When they realized I wasn't coming back anytime soon they tried ringing me. After an hour, one of Jimmy's mates thought they'd ring me so I answered.
"What the fuck you playing at, skank?!", I heard Brian scream at me. I hung up and turned my phone off. If they really want me they'll try my hang outs. So I walked five minutes round the corner and caught the bus into town. I pulled out the phone my best friend got me for my birthday and sent her a text.
'Hey babe, it's me. Fancy a brew in the park? I need some bitch time x'
An hour later I got off the bus. Went to the shop, picked up some vodka with my mate Emzy Moo and some rolling baccy and marlboros then proceeded to the park. When I got there, I saw Jimmy's mates by the benches with my brothers Michael and Danny. I stopped in my tracks and headed to the park opposite. Emily in tow. "So what's up?", she asked as she took the roll up paraphernalia and vodka. I lit my fag as I contemplated on where to start.
"Well, this morning mum took me doctors. They diagnosed me with anorexia and I darted to the graveyard. Jimmy came running after me and made me eat a happy meal. On our way home, mum rang him and he told her how roud of me he was", I stopped for some vodka and gave Emily a chance to comment on the story so far. "You're getting scary skinny though Trace", I ignored her comment and continued. "Then when we got in mum asked why so I fucking told them then legged it to the bus stop. Emzy Moo says hey by the way", I left her with her thoughts til suddenly,"Why don't you get help? It'll get everyone off your back".
I grabbed everything, stuffed them back in the bag then stormed off. How the fuck could she say that?! I went back to the shop and got a load of junk food and a Relentless Inferno then jumped on the bus back. Emily text me but I turned that phone off too. When I got back round to the cul de sac I noticed mum's car was gone and all the windows were shut. Now I can stuff my face without being disturbed.
I plugged my phone into the charger and lay the chocolates, crisps, and sausage rolls in a line on my bed then the door went. "Fuck sake!", I growled to myself as I literally jumped down the stairs. I opened the door and Jimmy was stood there with his mates, minus my brothers. They barged their way through barr Jimmy and went to the kitchen and raided it. "Make your fucking selves at home", I shouted as I thundered up stairs. Jimmy shut the door behind him with a sigh then went to join his mates. "What's your problem with Tracy? She's done nothing to any of you and I wanna know what the deal is", I heard as I had my ear to my bedroom floor. The kitchen was directly below me so I didn't really need to put my ear down. So I went to my bed and started to pig out. Next thing I knew I was disturbed by a thud and a crash so I cleared myself of the evidence then ran downstairs to find out what happened.
"Jimmy! What are you doing?", I gasped as I saw Zacky holding his bloody nose. He breathed heavily as Matt and Brian held him back. "He called you a fat attention seeking whore!", he shouted at me. My eyes began to water and I shot upstairs. I emerged seconds later with the food I had on my bed."You're right. I am fat. Look at that. My bones are fully poking out", I sarcastically growled before flipping the lot of them off and slamming the munch on the table as they looked on gobsmacked.
Jimmy shoved Zacky against the wall before running after me yet again. I'm getting sick and fucking tired of this shit. When he finally caught up I was already starting to see triple. "TRACY!", he bellowed when he'd found me in the graveyard. He took one look at my body as I weren't wearing my jacket and held me tight, telling me how much he loved me before fumbling for his phone. Everything faded to black as he rang. "Yeah, amb-".
