We live in a horrid time
Where faking a smile could get us anywhere
The only reason we do so is because it's so much easier than saying what's really on our minds.
Where feigning happiness is just enough to get us by
Because the people worried for us can only comprehend we are in a loop of our pasts and they only see it as normal.
Where stress and hurt can cut us so deep, yet the only scars are left as dermal as the ones on our forearms, as deep as the cracks in our hearts.
There is no reset, there is no first aid kit, or surgery to fix us
And we've been broken for so long, we are afraid to ask anyone to do so.
We've seen the people in our lives fall, crumble under the weight as they tried to do a balancing act on their own.
We've seen the fear in your eyes as we sit in a doctors' chair, tearing open our wounds anew.
We try to survive, we try not to be victims, we try to become- no- find ourselves in the darkness that has blurred our vision, filled with malice, spite and melancholy.
A third of them will tell you what's best, for it is their job to do so.
A third will smother you with love, so much it suffocates every fiber, making our anxieties worse.
And a third will tell you how ignorant you were, and immature, and yes, we know this to be true, cause we are simply trying to do our own balancing act alone.
We understand we fuck up, that we are fuck ups, and that we wish we could've seen the lights through your eyes, through the holes in your soul.
We stay nearly the most impossible disease, more impossible disorder, to pin point until it is near too late for us.
We will silently sit here, and comtemplate on what or if we choose to eat, or sleep, or cry. We will sit, hands folded, waiting for the right moment to happen to tell us it's alright to start living, feeling again.
We are the shown darkness of the heart, oozing over into our eyes, holding our tongues back.
Raw lips from stopping words, nail marks from calming down, and a firm bed to hold us as we find comfort in our sleep, for so few of us dream.
We don't expect better realities, we hope, it is all we can do until the arrythmia in our hearts calm down enough for us to breath and just
Carry on.
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One of my friends just passed on and I kind of fell in a rut, being in the similiar situation.
I felt so bad...
This is meant to be more towards a supportive standpoint, please find comfort knowing you are not alone.
