The Marauders Oneshots

The Name Situation

SECOND YEAR

Not having a name for the pranking group of friends was becoming a problem. Well, it wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't for Peter.

"We're a foursome!" Peter would exclaim excitedly, his mouth in a smile wider than a crescent moon.

To which Sirius would roll his neck back to look at the ceiling in exhaustion, "Blimey, Peter. We're not a foursome."

Every time, that would wipe the smile straight off of the uncertain Peter's face. "Oh. So you're a threesome?"

Sirius was superior in knowledge when it came to the whole female-male interaction area, and being the oldest in the group he often shakes his head when the boys ask curious questions, claiming that they're too young to understand. But every time it occurred, he would turn to James and Remus and tell them about the situation.

"We need a name."

To which they'd respond, "Why?"

"Peter keeps telling people we're a foursome!"

No one in the group agreed with Sirius, and they wouldn't until they had the talk. Sirius wanted to preserve their innocence for as long as possible, whether for his own giggles or to be a good sport, no one really knew.

Finally, one day Sirius had enough of it. It was the same day that he was trying to flirt with some third year girls and Peter bounded in declaring that "the foursome needed their fourth member" and the girls ended up snickering and not being able to even look at Sirius again without laughing.

Peter was left in the dust as Sirius stormed off, trying to get an answer between their giggles on why they were laughing. Sirius headed right to the Marauders' shared bedroom with heavy footsteps, not even waiting around to be cheered up by Peter's innocent mind. He had enough, and he was going to act now to stop the events from repeating themselves later.

"That's it!" Sirius declared after busting the door down. "I'm done with sparing your innocent minds! We need a name!"

And so Sirius sat Remus and James down and they had the talk.

James' eyes went big and he put his hands protectively over his crotch, "We do what?"

"Your penis goes into an opening and Peter's declaration is telling the school that we do it to each other. At the same time!"

Remus rubbed his head, "Ok. We need a name as soon as possible."

James nodded quickly and grabbed his wand. They began conjuring possible names on the wall, crossing out ones they didn't like.

When Peter came back to their dorm, after an hour of trying to get the girls to spill, he yelled, "There's my foursome!"

To which all three of the other boys looked at each other before saying simultaneously, "We're the Marauders now."