“I want things to hurt —
cigarette smoke to burn my lungs,
glass shards to cut my skin,
pavement to rasp against my knees.
I do not want beautiful;
I want a goddamn tragedy.” - Meggie C. Royer
“Jesse, I’m all right. I promise.”
He raised his eyebrows. Kat’s face was still bloodless and her hands still shook, as if she couldn’t control them.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
At least she was breathing. She hadn’t been when he’d found her, or just barely. Her pulse was just a dim pressure under her skin. There was no blood. That should have been reassuring. The tiles were spotless, save for the fragments of crushed leaves. But Jesse didn’t trust the clean floor. He didn’t trust the café employee who’d assured him Kat’s pulse was growing stronger.
He didn’t even trust Kat.
Kat read the expression on his face. “Jesse, I promise. There’s nothing wrong. I fainted, that’s all. It’s not the end of the world.”
“It’s not exactly a piece of cake, either.”
“The running might have been a little bit too much for me. I’m not very athletic. Please, Jesse, don’t worry about me. I’ve never been better.”
Jesse raked his fingers through his hair. He wasn’t worried about her. Not quite. It was just that for a moment, when he was crouching beside her on the floor, he’d been so scared he thought he might keel over himself. He’d been scared that it was happening all over again. That she would be the second person Jesse let die. But he couldn’t tell her that.
“You should eat something,” he said.
“Oh.” Kat reached for the blueberry muffin. “I guess I should. Thank you.”
“No problem.”
Her hands tufted at the greasy white paper encasing the muffin. “No, not for this. I mean… thank you, Jesse. Thank you for finding me. I’m lucky you were here.”
“Yeah. Well. If you believe in that kind of stuff, I guess.” Lucky. It was possible. He was certainly relieved that Kat hadn’t been left lying in the bathroom. Still, it felt pretty shitty for luck.
Kat laughed. “How can you not believe in luck?”
He shrugged. “It’s kind of like fate. A nice thought, but too...”
“Tweedledee?”
“Exactly.”
Kat peeled the muffin wrapper away from the dough. “I don’t think so. I don’t believe in fate, either, before you interrupt. Some things happen, some don’t. Luck… luck is just the way they happen.”
“Whatever.”
Kat looked up, pushed back a strand of her hair. “Are you mad at me?”
“No.” Jesse wasn’t even lying. He wasn’t angry. Just shaken. As if the room were a cube that kept toppling, like a die being thrown, with Jesse trapped inside.
“I’m sorry I made you wait so long, if it helps. Your coffee must be almost cold by now.” She smiled, scrunching her eyebrows together. “You probably thought I’d walked out on you, right?”
He forced his mouth into a curve. It felt like a grimace.
“I’m sorry,” Kat said again. She broke off a piece from the edge of the muffin and pushed it into her mouth.
YOU ARE READING
Kaleidoscope
Teen Fiction"I’m not used to being a good thing that happens to somebody. But I’d like to be, and I’d like to happen to you.”
