It's in the first few moments that you know it's going to happen. You know that in a second, your body is going to start breaking itself down. Your muscles will tense to the point you can't move. Your lungs hurt from how long you've been holding your breath, trying to calm down. You can't really hear anything, other than the sound of your voice in your head saying that you want this to end. Yet, it never ends. It's a constant battle, and sometimes you can never prevent it. Panic sets in, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. You have to ride it out. Breathing is your best option. Just breath. Don't stop breathing. That's where everyone goes wrong. They think that holding your breath with help. And it doesn't. So breath. Maybe your leg bounces. Maybe your arms twitch. Maybe your head starts to feel like its about to pop. Maybe your insides start to feel like they're mush. Maybe you feel the need to throw up. What's worse, is getting all of this. You cant control what your body is doing, which brings in even more panic than the original. And you can't do anything to stop it. Nothing will stop it. All you can do is breath. Maybe you could try to focus your mind on what's right in front of you, but that's so difficult. You wouldn't even want to try. So now your just sitting there, trying to get your breathing to get into control. Your vision could go blurry even. The shivers come back. Stronger than before. They come in waves now. And now you can't even focus on how your breathing. Slowly, the shivers stop, but in your head your screaming 'kill me. Please. I can't do this again.' yet, you still live, putting yourself through so much torture. Your friends want to help. They want to support you, but they can't. This is an internal battle that won't let up until it finally fucking wins. And this time, I might just let it.
