*Some people may find this story rather racist. Not meant to be prejudice, just what life is really like with Bertha's parents*
Recently, I was welcomed into the world of interracial families (God help my soul because everyone knows Bertha's parents are Black AF). We were spending Christmas Eve with Bertha's rents at their vaca home in Cabo...Lord knows how they afford thKat place. We crossed the border in a drug cartel that was led by Oprah who was deported for spreading viscious rumors about Obama.
We arrived in Cabo right on the winter solstice as the clock struck twelve. Out on the front lawn were her parents and all you could see were the whites of their eyes. I nearly had a stroke; but Bertha was delighted. She hopped out of the drug cartel and sprinted towards the figures in the distance. Meanwhile, Sheniqua (my caucASIAN son...thank Ghandi) and I were hesitant to approach because we were fearful for our lives; the wedding hadn't gone so well. They didn't approve of the wedding color choice; all WHITE.
Sheniqua stood awkwardly to the side as Bertha's mom, Shanaynay (stereotypical black name), eagerly sniffed his skin. This was the start of the longest three days of my life.
After we settledK in, Bertha's dad, Devonne, brought home a delicious meal of KFC and watermelon with Kendrick Lamar and 2 Chainz (Double meaning...hint hint) playing in the background; typical. But after dinner is when the REAL fun began.
Time for the classic midnight exorcism with Devonne and Shanaynay. After Sheniqua was put to bed, Bertha began drawing a Satanic circle with sheep's blood in the center of the living room. Devonna and Shanaynay returned in traditional African sacrificial costumes and danced around the victim placed in the center of the circle; it was Randy Jackson.
Ever since American Idol kicked him off for his racialK backgrounds, they were out to get him. But recently, Randy was caught by a gang of Asians (#AsianPersuasion). Tonight was the night that he would be sacrificed to Allah and the Muslim Gods.
I was sitting on the couch when I saw Bertha come out of the bathroom wearing only a turban and tunic. Lord knows where she found that. Then the sacrfice began; Randy was looking nervous.
Shanaynay took his vitals and reported he was doing well. Devonne brought out a pitcher of vodka spiked with marijuana; now the party was started. Tethered down to the floor, Randy was fed the vodka through a tube inserted in his...nevermind.
The sacrifice began with Bertha beating bongo drums as Shanaynay and Devonne sliced off his limbs with a rusted fork (which would've been a wonderful addition to my collection but it was now covered in blood). I turned my head as Randy let out his final screams and uttered his final words:
CURSE YOU ELI WHITNEY.
Once the sacrifice was finished, someone hauled his body out into the backyard and was thrown down a well; no evidence was left behind. As I peered out the window, I saw a several white pointed hats huddling around the well...God knows who they were.
I couldn't wait to leave Cabo. And back to the states...where it was safe. But Bertha seemed to be enjoying the quality time with her parents...what a faggot.
Before I went to bed, Devonne approached me about an Asian they had seen trespassing on their cropfield. They had no tolerance for any other races besides their own. I was worried for my own safety after I heard this. I was as white as a cottonswab. I'd have to watch my back.
***
On my last day in Cabo, I saw quite the sight; Devonne was smoking a bong beside an urn which held his grandfather's ashes. I knew Devonne couldn't afford the common coke, so I wasn't qutie sure what exactly he was smoking but DAMN it smelt like old age and remorse.
I quickly packed my bags and stole an valuables I could find; I needed to end this family. But my plans were put on hold when...
