You Are

Silence and Books

Father did not allow me to play with the girl immediately. He held me back, telling me to restrain myself. Not that it was necessary. I was wary of her--confused by her. I never saw a child like myself treated that way by her parents. I wondered, if her parents were different from mine, she must be different from me.

She was led away by my father. He was going to give her a tour of the estate and the servant quarters, as it was regulation. Usually, it was another servant that took on this task. However, it was father that took it upon himself to personally escort this girl around. I think I felt bitter at the time. I suppose I was jealous. Father was not present very often and I would have preferred it if we could have spent more time together. I had already chosen several novels and board games that we could have entertained ourselves with. I even threw in a few I did not like so much because I knew he enjoyed them. To see him take time out for that girl somehow disturbed me. But now, I realize I was exercising some very spoiled behavior. I am glad that took her around our home. If I had been more observant, I would have noticed how depressed and empty her eyes were. I would have seen how pale her knuckles were when she squeezed her hands into fists. An angry, distraught girl like that needed a proper father figure. She needed someone to be calm and act as a pilar of strength she could lean on. That was my father.

I turned away from the sight of the two of them heading toward the back of the house. Sulking, I scaled up the winding spiral staircase with a hardcovered book pressed against my chest. I made my way to my room and quietly shut the door. I did this often. I did a lot of self-pitying and negative ruminations, but I must say that one good thing about me at the time was that I hid that part of me. I was a good liar. I acted whatever way I was supposed to--I acted like other people. I cracked open the book in front of me and began to read.

"...a proper lady does not slouch. She stands straight; she stands tall..."