Cognizant (Adopted By Alex Gaskarth: Book 2)✅

Chapter 8

I lied on my side on the cold stone ground, my arms extended out in front of me, my wrists bound by chains on the brackets on the floor. My dirty white tanktop barely covered my skin enough to protect me, and my black spandex shorts showed more skin than covered it. My breathing was shallow, my side raising up and down in small movements. The dried blood covering me could have been from any part of my body and I wouldn't know exactly which.

My small voice cracked out lyrics barely above a whisper to myself. "I'm tired of running these circles in my life, I've seen the future, it changes before my eyes, and I know that there is something that's going to change in my life. I know my life will change again." 

I heard footsteps coming down the heavy stairs, but made no attempt to move. There were a few moments of silence before a sharp "Get up!"

I slowly pushed myself up with my hands to sit up, my legs tucked into my side. I stared at the ground as I heard his boots softly scrape against the cement, getting closer and closer and closer. 

There was the sound of something thin dragging across the ground behind him as he stepped closer. I took a silent and shaky inhale. 

"Why did you think you could get away from me?" His voice was laced with mock calmness, it was slimy and threatening. 

There was no reply from my dry and cracked lips, my head still hanging down towards the ground. 

Snap!

My throat tried to squeak in fear and surprise as the stockwhip cracked on the ground. My breathing became shakier and more shallow. 

"I asked you a question."

 "I-I'm so-sorry," I whispered, just loud enough to be heard. "P-Please, I-I'm ss-sorry." 

Snap!

The yelp was forced from my dry throat as my shoulder blade burned. My arms shook as I fell to my elbows. I forced myself to stay on my elbows and not fall, my entire body still shaking. Stray sobs were forced from my chest as my entire body was on fire.

Snap! 

My spine became a burning liquid.

Snap!

Both shoulder blades were on fire.

Snap!

Tears were pushed from my eyes. Each drip of my own blood down my back felt like lava being poured onto my body. 

"You okay?" I looked up, being forced back into reality. Wet tears soaked my eyes and threatened to fall as I looked up from my lap at Alex. I nodded, crossing my legs tighter against me on the couch. I moved my hand up to my shoulder, reaching under my sweater. I felt the raised scars, recalling the pain vividly. I felt no blood any longer, but it was as if the pain was still there every time I thought about it. 

"Adelpha," I looked up again, my hand slowly falling from my shoulder. 

"Hm?" My voice was small and desperate. 

Alex pushed himself closer to me, calmly pulling me to him in an embrace. My legs subconsciously curled up to pull me into a ball against him as he hugged me, but I slowly pushed him away and stood up. I began walking away, my knees trembling as I walked up the stairs. I carried myself into my room and through to the bathroom, closing and locking the door as I curled into a ball against the wall. 

Tears began to fall from my eyes. My wrists began burning with the need to be ripped open. My fading black hair was pulled on by my thin and bony hands as they shook. I hiccuped and sobbed silently as tears continued to fall. The phantom burning in my forearms became too much, and I sat up, reaching forward to the cabinet under my sink. The door made a creaking that was so quiet it was almost silent as I reached under the sink and removed my makeup bag. At the bottom, was a sharp utility blade, never been used. I turned it and played with it between my fingers. It was shiny, reflecting each particle of light perfectly. It was so clean I could almost see my reflection it. My wrists ached to touch at least one of the two terrifyingly yet desirable sharp edges. 

There was a knock at the door. "Ad?"

I ignored Alex, sitting back against the wall. I brought the extruding corner up to my left wrist, inhaling and dragging it across the sun-lacking skin. Carmine blood rose to the surface of the shaky and crooked wound. I let out the breath in my lungs as the stinging took over my arm, and two more burning cuts were added. 

Cut deeper.

Feel the stinging burn.

Bleed out. 

You never deserved to be loved. 

Die. 

Cut deeper.

Soon, my wrist was simply dripping different shades of red, my hands shaking as the liquid gracefully fell down my arm. It was then that I noticed Alex was still calling out for me.

"Ad? Adelpha, please open the door! Ad, please!" The door knob jingled like bells as he tried to open the locked door. "Adelpha, please tell me you're okay, just open the door, sweetie, please."

You never deserved to be loved. 

Cut deeper.

"Go away," I mumbled, barely loud enough to hear as I left the blade on the edge of the bathtub and curled into a ball. 

"No, Ad, please just open the door."

Deeper. 

More.

Feel the stinging burn as you bleed out.

You deserve to die.

Alex and Lisa deserve so much better than you. 

You don't deserve them.

You deserve to hurt and burn and be tortured until you die. 

"Adelpha, please!"

I shakily inhaled, and looked at my snow white hands. I looked at the moving door knob as Alex continued crying out for me to open it. My hand reached up to the doorknob, but stopped. 

He doesn't really want to help you. Why would he? 

Even if he did, you don't deserve his help. You deserve to die. To hurt and slowly die.

I sat back again, picking up at blade from the side of the bathtub. I dragged it across my wrist again. Blood instantly began rushing up to the skin's surface as my nerve cells tingled and burned. I placed the blade into my other hand, bringing the corner to my right wrist, ready to dig the sharp metal up my forearm. 

I then noticed it was silent. It had been for a couple moments. I looked up at the door, then sighed. I gazed back down at my wrist, touching the cold metal to it and beginning to cut up to my elbow. I made it less than a couple inches until the door was opened. Alex came to sit in front of me, forcing the blade from my hand. He set it and a silver key next to his lap as he crossed his legs. Alex put his hands on my tear-stained face as hiccups and sobs erupted from my chest. 

"Please don't do this," he begged quietly. "Please, Ad. I need you here. You can't leave us."

I looked up a Alex, whose eyes were turning red and had tears falling. His warm hands remained on my face, rubbing away the falling tears. I slowly reached my significantly smaller hands over his, chewing on my bottom lip. More tears fell and I looked down towards the tile floor, leaning towards Alex. He closed the gap between us, moving his hands to wrap around my body and hug me. 

"I'm sorry," I whispered, weak sobs cracking my voice. "I'm sorry."

Alex embraced me tighter than what seemed humanly possible. "Please don't leave me. I need you. Please, Ad. I love you too much to let you go again"