The Girl Who Speaks With Algebra

1: Zero Power

"So that's how I died. What about you?"

The brunette woman regained my attention with that remark. I'd started tuning her out, given how her response to my question of 'How did we get here?' seemed to involve mathematics, portals, a flying gazebo, and other things that made absolutely no sense.

"I'm not dead," I informed her. "Why would you think I was dead?"

She shrugged. "I guess I assumed. Why else would you be here with me?"

"I'm working on it."

I finished taking stock of our surroundings. The two of us were reclining on beach blankets. At least it was on a beach, so that aspect of this scenario made sense.

Except it was a deserted beach, with the sea stretched out to the front, and a row of palm trees behind us. Seemingly no other soul around for miles, no sign of civilization, not even any footprints in the sand. Including no footprints of our own. Hence the question of how we got here.

I reached off the blanket, scooping up some sand and letting it run through my fingers. All normal there. I pressed my hand down into it – it seemed to hold the impression. I fingered the blanket itself. Mine was pink, my preferred colour, while my companion's was red. They were colour coordinated to match our swimsuits.

Wait, seriously? Why was I wearing my swimsuit on a beach? I don't go to the beach for a tan. Like most redheads, I would burn first. I stick to indoor pools. At least I'd had the foresight to bring a beach umbrella along on this excursion, to protect me from the sun... I looked up at it. Wait, had the umbrella always been projecting that shadow onto me?

"You ever look at something that you think makes sense, but then suddenly wonder if it truly does?" I asked.

"Kind of like evaluating zero to the power of zero?" the brunette offered.

"No," I sighed. "Stop with that talk. I'm not a math person."

"Yet."

I glared at her. "Excuse me?"

"Something I've heard about called the 'growth mindset'," the woman said, smiling. "If you start by assuming you can't do something, you tend to shut yourself down. So instead, start by saying you can't do it yet - that gives you room to grow. And it encourages you to learn from your mistakes!"

"I have no need or desire to grow into math."

"Oh." Her gaze slipped away from me, towards the sea. She seemed disappointed. Well, that was hardly my problem.

Or was it? We were the only two people out here. And she seemed to think I was dead. So what if I WAS dead? What if this was this some sort of test, for getting into the afterlife? I was reminded of an old 'Far Side' cartoon I'd once seen, captioned 'Math phobic's nightmare'. It shows a guy who can't get into heaven until he solves a math question. I'm hardly a phobic - but stuff like that doesn't REALLY happen, right?

Wait, hold on. Was this a nightmare instead? That would explain a lot.

"Who are you anyway?" I asked.

"My name is Sine," she answered. "I'm the personification of the sinusoidal function. Who are you?"

I decided to play along. "I'm Rosemary."

"The personification of the spice?"

"Um, no, Rosemary is legitimately my name. Though I go by Rose."

"Hmm. So you're a flower?"

"No, I – oh, sure, I might as well be." The woman seemed to be fixated on the personification thing. "I've embraced the name Rose Thorne, it's easier to own it, rather than to have people use it against you. But if you're an aspect of me, you know all this, yeah? Let's cut to the chase."