Your Guardian Angel [shingeki no kyojin fanfic: Jean Kirschtein]

I heaved another sigh as I stare out into the blankness. The sunset is beautiful but I dare not acknowledge it's wonder. I once again grabbed my already wet handkerchief and wiped the tears in my eyes. 

For how long will I cry?

My name is Yume, I am a senior in my university. For a senior student, I was worse than a freshman. I'm not pretty, I'm messy as I hate to comb my hair. I hate to, I really, really hate to. My hair is cut in a roughly shaped mess. I put no scarlet lipsticks and blush ons, no thick mascara and shiny eyeshadows. I clad in punk-emo-goth-stupid-mental-messed up clothes in sneakers with strip colored knee socks, no high heels and fitted skirts, no sexy blouses as I bear no womanly shape. Technically, I'm a full-bodied girl but I care not, I'm as beautiful as a unique monster.

I'm a self-proclaimed brawler, bully wrestler, defender of the weak and oppressed. I laugh maniacally around my friends, I prank people, I am my classmate's worst nightmare, I commit rule breakage and stuff. I'm really noisy but I tend to be carefree around my six adorable best friends. They alone knew my weakness and strengths, what I am and what I'm not and they alone knew that despite being tough outside, I am a crybaby inside. 

But that was then and this is now.

I'm now all alone. One disappeared, one transferred, one went away, one walked away and the other two held on to each other. The usually noisy place where we stay now remained quiet and empty as a century old cemetery. There was nothing to see in that park anymore but dead leaves falling, letting the wind current blow them wherever it want. The table I used to vandalize now lay forgotten, my drawings half-erased. The stone benches are now cold, lacking our bodies' warmth. The man-made lake just lay there.  I remember when we used to throw stones in the water, that was the only time when the lake was moving and alive but now it is stagnant and silent.

Reality sucks. Who could have thought that a simple fight could tear apart deep bonded people who swore to never forget each other? The seven of us used to dream about our future, laughing and telling jokes about our graduation when we have to find each's own path to take but look at now, we haven't even reached the first quarter of the semester and we all broke apart. 

I walked away, accepting that I'm friendless now. No one to lean on since they're all gone. It's been a while since I heard the sound of familiar laughter and noise. Most of the time, my mouth is clamped shut with no one to talk to, I wondered when was the last time I smiled. Alone. Friendless. Solitude. Despair.

Nightfall will take over soon. I decided to bury all the memories we had to avoid hurting myself. I went back to the park and dug on the earth. Tomorrow, I'll bring all those things and gifts we shared and I shall bury them together with my feelings and memories. It's time to start anew. It's time to face reality, I shall accept that nothing lasts forever, our promises was never an exception.

Months passed and I still pass by our park. It was all too crowded now which is good, I sometimes have the urge to sit beside the "grave" I dug. It's a bad idea. A day after I dug it, I brought all the things they gave me, from cards to magazines to candy wrappers, I even buried the scrap book I agonized over when I made it. But no matter now, I will forget them soon as they have forgotten me. I hesitated when I took out the last thing in my bag. It was a manga given to me by my closest friend in the group it was called "Attack on Titan" but I never read it, I was not into action themes. The reason why is it important is that, in the middle of the pages I kept my friend and I's secret letters about having an illusionary love. We both fell in love with characters from fiction stories. Sounds stupid, I know but it happened and it was painful. Imagine falling in love with someone who was never real.

But that was years ago and I now somehow gripped that reality really sucks. Without opening the book, I tossed it into the grave, the letter fell out but I tried not to care. I covered them with earth, washed my hands and proceeded to go home. I felt somewhat relieved and uneasy from then on but nevertheless, I now have a normal life.